MDSAYWHAT.

Cause it's a beautiful day it's a beautiful sunrise. Well I don't want to see you cry but I can take away your pain. The feelings just the same but I can't stand to see you cry.

2012-01-15T15:18:00.001+07:00

If you gave me 10 seconds to review 2011, I'd say 2011 was hard, tough, and uncomfortable BUT overall it was a really amazing year. How many times have you stood still at your door waiting for the storm to pass before you stepped out? "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. {Anonymous}". So I danced, I sang, in the rain.

In terms of blogging, I am so proud of myself because I'm able to keep this blog A.L.I.V.E. This blog has been my personal mind-dump for 6 years! I started this blog on December 2005 and my life now is just so, SO different from what it was when I started this blog. I am now a master graduate, I support my life, but this major life change doesn't involve a major blog change (yet). Is it good or not? Anywhooo.. I'm gonna spend few minutes to review 2011 in a metablog post. I did it two years ago so I think I shall make this a yearly tradition.

January 2011 I started my study leave by traveling to Bali. I dedicated the next 6 months to write and finish my master thesis to actually graduate. It was a bitter-sweet semester, because everything seems so sweet if you don't have to work but it was uncomfortable at the same time. The next month, February, my blog entries has been more personal dump than usual. I know I suppose to write thesis not blog post but distractions are processed by the brain quicker than things we try to concentrate on. I just had to admit it. No denying.

March 2011 I started the 100 happiness series. I'll continue to work on them this year. My thesis progress? Only around 10% :( But in April 2011, I made a huge progress. Also in this month, my cousins' mom passed away. It's a sad loss of a beautiful, kind, and inspiring lady in our big family :'( The fifth month was actually kind of surprised me. My thesis and I seemed to be getting along great on May. I accepted a part-time position in the company, too. So why did I feel I was less productive in this month?

June 2011: Forget about thesis! I turned 24th! I graduated the next month, on July 1st, and back to work as a full time consultant. :D The next month, August 2011, I found myself lacking one identity as a student. It was strange, weird, and sad.

September 2011, I posted my convo with an old friend of mine. We talked about New Kids On The Block, our childhood hero. And you know whaaaat..... They're coming to toooown this yeaarr! Oh, I'm so chuffed!

October 2011....... I stayed at the office for 2 nights in a row. What? Yes, I wore pj's at work and I know it wasn't appropriate but whatevs.. Oh, I went to Singapore (again.... and again) in rainy October. Back in November 2011, I got my instagram photo printed for the first time. My oh my, they are so beautiful. With my chronic lack of blogging productivity, this month I wrote a funny post about my friend, Jess, and her online male friends. It feels like I haven't written anything funny since ages.. This blog used to be one of funny blog before 2009.

Basically the second semester was busy at work like the word "Work" typically implies being busy. There were some hard times when I was busier than usual and working on many task at once. December 2011 was tricky month. I went to the outbound area with coworkers, but at the end of this was on the agenda for a lot of our clients. In order to meet the deadlines, we stayed at Palm Court apartment for 8 days, isolated from our social lives and work for 10-16 hours/day.

That's 2011 in review.

♥, Me.

2012 is just another day to me. But I wish I will do everything better this year and make myself happier.

2012-01-08T11:38:00.003+07:00

♥, Me

Making the intangible tangible.

2011-11-26T21:12:00.001+07:00

There's no hiding that I'm obsessed with snapping what I see. One of the things that photography is teaching me is to go with ideas and get the things done, even if they're not 100% perfect. It was in that spirit that I sorted out some of my Instagram & Hipstamatic pics last week, and print them.I always have a square pictures (with or without frames and with or without filters). I believe they look best on an old fashioned photo album - and I didn't have to wait to get one! My next plan for my Instagram and Hipstamatic pictures is for a canvas or a piece of cream-colored mount board. Maybe I'll do a rectangular collage too!

♥, Me

Life according to Instagram.

2011-11-13T17:08:00.001+07:00

♥, Me

If you're alone and you need a friend, someone to make you forget your problems, just come along baby, take my hand I'll be your lover tonight.

2011-11-05T22:32:00.001+07:00

Beside Kim Kardashian, my friend is also a romantic-hopeless [this is a link of me and her talking about her wanting a boyfriend]. I told her to enjoy her single and free moments, do whatever crazy things she wanted, travel to other countries, get drunk, and make mistakes. Last week, I discussed an online dating service because everybody around her always said thing like, "Don't too busy with your own life. Your love is waiting to be found." which makes her went from romantic-hopeless to being even more romantic-hopeless. I've never tried online dating and never thought I would but sometimes I thought it was a good idea if you go to online dating site with a fake identity and enjoy the process. Note that my friend is somewhat into Bules and I know there are so many Bules go online to meet girls.

Anyway, I told her (her name is Jessica, 26 years old) to create a fake online identity and sign up for online dating. So Jessica did, but she used a different website than the one I suggest (you have to pay for it but she signed up for one of the free ones). In a hour she succeed on this site (I don't measure success by going on a date lol). She also had access to a much larger pool of creepers and weirdos because anyone could sign up. This is one of the many weird far too overeager messages she's gotten:

Heeeeey Jessie-mania what's going on? My name is [name delete] 29 yo from Coffeyville, KS and I am a tennis instructor. Sooo cutie I was reading your profile and you seem so goal-oriented and determined. You are a Finance Senior Manager in [deleted] at the moment? Wow! You love Italian and Japanese food? Dooo you like Chinese? Hehe well you seem very sweet so if interested e-mail me but if not, I wanna take care. One dude will be very lucky. Good luck on your career, cool girl!

Okay. First of all, her name IS LISTED as JESS on the site. Why did this guy think it's acceptable to call her "Jessie-mania"? Second of all.. "Heeeeey" and "Dooo you like Chinese"? I will be the first to admit I drag out my words for silliness in messages with friends. But, I would never drag out a word like that (unless it was "sooo") in a message to someone online who I don't know. Lastly.. "Hehe"?!?!?!?! YOU ARE 29 YEARS OLD!!!

This message was weird enough and she obviously never answered. DAYS later, she got this message:

Subject: Heeeeeeyyy what's going down, jessie? (AGAIN WITH THE NICKNAMES?! LOL)

Message: It's the one-and-only [name deleted] making his debut in your inbox. However did I write to you before? Eh whatev... I'm going round 2. What separates myself from the dudes on here is that I'm not some creep, weirdo, or some douchebag, not some dude who says "Hey sexy" or "Nice body" (well later on but not in the first e-mail). Hit me up sometime. I'd love to hear about your job and anything new with it and hey European Greek crisis must be overcome immediately eh? Isn't that like a slap in the face? :/

I have to admire this guy's persistence, in a way. It must take balls to message someone a 2nd time around after they never responded to you the first time. However, if you message a girl on a dating site and you want to message her again, perhaps try something new along the lines. While this might not elicit a response from "Jessie Mania" or whoever you are trying to reach, at least you won't come off like a complete tool. "Did I write to you before? Eh whatev..." IS NOT THE WAY TO GO ABOUT THIS LOL. Also, don't act all nonchalant because it's obvious that's what it is - an act. While he might not be a "creep" or a "douchebag", I think it's safe to say he is in fact a "weirdo". LMFAO.

Honestly I feel sorry about Jess but we laughed it off. We've come to the conclusion that some people on dating sites have no grasp on reality and no knowledge of starting convo. AND THANK GOD Jessica knows how to have fun and wasn't there for finding her true love.

♥, Me

Illusion never changed into something real I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.

2011-10-30T15:39:00.003+07:00

Sometimes, you just have to be yourself, even if that means your best friend can't look you in the eyes anymore. When you didn't do you best, be proud of yourself. Say I love you, when you both know you didn't mean it. Apologize, when you think you did nothing wrong. Lie to your boyfriend about loving KOC. Rage quit a job, even though you have absolutely no money. Pretend you had an orgasm to feed someone's ego. Bite your tongue, when your superior is talking to you about how important it is that you work over time on weekends. And sometimes you have to tell yourself that you have got it all figured out. Even though you have no clue what is coming next or where your life is headed.

Never regrets, only experiences that mold you into the person that you need to be. Never give up, because weaknesses and negativity lead you nowhere. And never have plans or expectations, because nothing is ever as it seems, and it never will be. Never lead yourself to believe that you are only worth so much and there's no point in improving, because the truth is you are worth however much you make yourself worth. Make yourself worth a lot, you earn wisdom and respect that way.

Me? I'm tired of always being a good person, only to find myself mistreated and mistaken. I'm tired of acting like the tough cookie on the outside and really be broken on the inside. Honestly, I feel like I went from being stupid to being even more stupid. And because of that, I feel like one of the most intelligent person EVER. Rule of thumb. If you believe it, they will too. Lastly, no matter how much you learn, you'll never have it all figured out.

♥, Me

Even animals in the zoo need a break.

2011-10-02T11:19:00.000+07:00

Pictures from two days and two nights.

♥, Me

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you know.

2011-09-29T01:16:00.000+07:00

Just finished making a presentation slide that, hopefully, meaningful for the manager and the bosses. I'm tired of these overtime thingies and the crunch times, but I'm taking a 4-days annual leave next week.

.... E.S.C.A.P.E.

Dear Vacay,

I don't know how I can without

I just need you now.

♥, Me

Look at around you. What do you see?

2011-09-20T00:52:00.001+07:00

I am going to post this one in Bahasa Indonesia :D Many things had happened during my absence in the world of blogging *loh? Kok Engles? Mix bole yey!* Mulai dari cerita gue lembur ngga pulang kantor 3 hari 2 malem sampai farewell colleague malam ini dengan karoki selama 3 jam. Tapi ada satu hal di pikiran gue yang jelimet, dan melalui blog post ini gue akan coba meluruskan apa yang jelimet itu dengan menulis.

Sementara ini gue assign untuk salah satu project audit di kawasan Casablanca. Sebenarnya ngga terlalu jauh kalau lewat Palmerah-Pejompongan-Karet-Citiloft dari rumah gue, tapi ada beberapa hal yang bikin gue harus ke workshop dulu dan terpaksa naik angkutan umum sepulang dari Casablanca. Ojek udah gue coba kalo ke daerah rumah. Yang paling bikin gue penasaran adalah naik TransJakarta jalur Kuningan situ sampai ke workshop di Pejaten.

Udah 2 kali gue gagal naik TransJakarta, ended up ngasih "sumbangan" Rp 3,500, dan akhirnya naik Kopaja P20. Dua kali itu, gue naik dari 2 shelter yang berbeda, termasuk salah satunya dari Menara Karya yang jauh dari Casablanca. Tetep loh ngga dapet TransJakartanya. Beberapa bus lewat, they sounded like bees *buzzing*, door opened, dan isinya kayak daging cincang semuanya rapet-rapet. We gave up. P20 is the last choice since naik taksi sama aja cari tewas.

Tapi gue ngga nyangka, selama perjalanan dari P20 ke Pejaten yang memakan waktu sekitar 60 menit (45 menit hanya untuk lolos Kuningan) banyak banget hal yang gue dapetin. Gue mikirin betapa banyak orang di Jakarta yang menghabiskan waktunya di jalan dengan berpanas-panasan di dalam P20 itu, sementara di kanan P20 gue ada Mercy nyelonong dari jalur cepat ke jalur lambat melalui pembatas jalan yang untuk jalur lambat ke jalur cepat. Gue melihat banyak mobil yang isinya hanya 1-2 orang, yang mungkin adalah mobil-mobil yang menghindari 3 in 1, trus gue mikir seharusnya kalau mereka pulang rame-rame jalanan ngga akan semacet ini, but hey.. gue juga merupakan salah satu dari mereka.

Lalu banyak pengendara motor nyelip sini, nyelip sana. Biasanya gue sumpah-sumpahin dari dalam mobil kalau gangguin jalan gue. Tapi saat itu gue lagi ada di dalam Kopaja.. Panas, pengap, macet, bau ketek orang, denger pengamen suaranya ngga enak.. Gue ingin cepat-cepat sampai tujuan, dan pastinya begitu juga dengan pengendara motor. Dude and Dudettes, kita punya satu tujuan yang sama, ingin cepat-cepat sampai ke rumah.. Whatever it takes..

Di dalam P20 sendiri, ada mbak-mbak yang sepanjang perjalanan mainan BlackBerrynya hanya buka Facebook dan Twitter (I mean she stared at her BB for 45 minutes!). Ada bapak-bapak yang nggak ngasih tempat untuk orang lain duduk di sampingnya dengan nyaman, ada juga ibu-ibu gendut yang ingin ngasih tempat tapi apa daya besar tubuhnya memakan 7/8 bangku. Pengamen comes and goes. Sebagian bawa gitar dengan senar string, sebagian lagi bermodalkan tepuk tangan yang ngga ngikutin beat lagunya. Semua pengamen berbaju lusuh, berkulit hitam dan dekil. Salah satunya mengenakan jeans belel, kotor, dan bau, trus bagian retsletingnya berwarna gelap sendiri seperti kena basah yang didiemin. Did he just peed his pants or..?

Bus Kopaja P20 itu sendiri ternyata egois banget. Kalau penumpangnya sedikit, mereka pasti jalannya minggir ke kiri supaya bisa berhenti dan ngangkut orang tanpa peduli jalur kanan itu kosong jadi bisa lebih cepat sampai tujuan. Kalau udah penuh, mereka ke jalur kanan supaya bisa ngebut, padahal ada yang mau turun. Kadang masuk jalur busway trus ngebut dan ngga tau di dalamnya ada sekeluarga dengan anak balita mau turun di Buncit. Keluarga itu pun melompat keluar P20 di atas jalur busway. God protected them, timingnya pas dan di jalur kirinya ngga ada mobil ngebut. Eh tapi.. kalau busnya udah kepenuhan, P20-nya bukan semakin ngebut lagi, tapi malah jadi lelet.. soalnya ngga bisa ngegas pas nanjak di Buncit situ.

Ceritanya gue udah mau sampai tujuan di Pejaten Village. Trus gue mikirin gimana caranya turun, since gue udik banget urusan naik-turun bus. Segerombolan anak gendut menghalangi jalan gue. Gue kasih tempat duduk ke salah satu di antara mereka, eh gue susah berdiri, dia susah duduk, tas gue kejepit antara 2 orang, yang ada gue kelojotan berdua sama salah satu orang gendut itu. Pas gue udah mau turun, mas-mas yang gelantungan di pintunya ngga ngasih jalan. Jadilah gue kebawa beberapa meter dulu. Untung ngga kelewatan.

Banyak hal yang bisa gue ceritain setelah gue mengeluh kepanasan, kesempitan, dan kepengapan gue di dalam sana. Tapi kalau di saat yang sama gue duduk di dalam mobil gue, gue hanya bisa mengeluh kenapa ini macet banget atau tidur sambil dengerin N*Sync kalau disupirin. Life is amazing, dan kadang kita harus going far away from our comfort zone untuk tau apa yang orang lain rasakan dan untuk melihat dunia dari luar kaca mobil. Kita ngga bisa sembarang ngomong, "Gue tau rasanya.." kalau belum pernah ada di posisi itu, sebab hal yang menyenangkan bisa sangat menyenangkan, hal yang menyedihkan bisa sangat menyedihkan, tapi banyak orang bisa survive, dan banyak yang ngga survive.

Satu hal yang paling penting yang gue pelajari adalah ketika kita membaur dengan masyarakat, ngga akan ada lagi batasan antara "saya" dan "mereka". Di dalam shelter busway dan Kopaja itu, ngga ada yang tau kalau gue lulusan S2, ngga ada yang tau kalau S1 gue cum laude, ngga ada yang tau kalau gue kangen sama seseorang, ngga ada yang tau kalau sebenarnya gue ada mobil dan supir, ngga ada yang tau kalau gue darah biru. Di dalam shelter busway dan Kopaja itu juga ngga ada yang tau kalau gue mengalami selective hearing dan terkadang dyslexia, ngga ada yang tau kalau gue ampir ngga naik kelas pas 1 SMA, dan ngga ada yang tau kelemahan sifat-sifat gue. Gue blend dengan mereka menjadi satu ke satuan, yaitu orang yang ingin cepat sampai tujuan.

Gue inget RGH yang hidupnya pernah pindah dari negara ke negara lainnya dan Jakarta, Indonesia, adalah satu-satunya tempat yang dia paling susah adaptasi. Setelah struggle selama setahun lebih, dia akhirnya berhasil membuat dirinya merasa lebih nyaman, and came to me with this conclusin: "Unless lo teroris, presiden, atau buronan tingkat dunia, orang ngga akan mengenal lo. Ngga ada gunanya untuk sibuk nunjukin bahwa lo istimewa soalnya orang lain udah sibuk sama urusan masing-masing dan ngga akan meluangkan waktu untuk memperhatikan lo. Jalani hidup lo apa adanya dengan kelebihan dan keterbatasan yang lo miliki, karena orang lain pun juga begitu."

I think God just taught me some life lessons. At this level gue harus lebih bersyukur dengan hidup gue, karena "mereka" pun bersyukur dan tidak mengeluh. Then, gue percaya bahwa semua orang di mata Tuhan itu sama, kenapa gue harus "membedakan" diri gue ketika terjun ke masyarakat? I've received so many gifts from God, akan ada saatnya nanti gue harus mengembalikan those gifts to my society. Insya Allah.

Look at around you. What do you see?

♥, Me

And the chat continues.. (NKOTB Edition)

2011-09-04T19:05:00.000+07:00

<< Previous conversation

It was Friday night. I was widely awake because of a cup of Brandi Cookies coffee I drank in the afternoon. I had to pee so Qintara was alone at the chat room for less than 2 minutes. Her message when I was back to my computer triggered New Kids on the Block subject.

Qintara: OH OH OH HOAH! OH OH OH HOAH!

Me: ...................................................... You're having sex, I know!

Qintara: No... *poker face* I'm singing Hangin' Tough - NKOTB.

Me: Hahah LOL. I love NKOTB!

Qintara: Awwwwwww me too! :* :* :*

Me: .. since 1990 :D

Qintara: Since 19.......87 what the fuck amai that old?

Me: Yes yyyyyeewwww are!

Qintara: My favey is Jordan Knight. He made me really wanted to have a Knight husband *love struck*

Me: Joey McIntyre is the best! And also Donnie Wahlberg. I like his character as whoever Reagan in Blue Bloods.

Qintara: We were little kiddos back then, we didn't even understand what boyband is, what love is -now I believe I am not that old- but now they are reunited, I have 1 kiddo, a husband, and they still have those cccccccuuuuuuute eyes, those moves, aw aw aw... They look much better grown ups!!!!!

Me: Haha

Qintara: HOT PAPAs!

Me: Whaaa? O_O

Qintara: =D

Me: I'm listening to Single hehe.. and I disagree when Donnie says "Just pretend that I am your man tonight". Sheeesh! Loving that song but they are too old to sing that song. "Just pretend that I am your papa tonight" is more suitable.

Qintara: No way! Donnieeeee T_T I don't mind........... *love struck*

Me: .............

*Qintara was typing*

Igor has signed in (my ex pacar)

*Qintara was typing. AND she pressend enter*

Qintara: He don't tell that you're beautiful, let me tell you to the beat, he don't tell you that he loves you girl let me sing it in the harmony =)

Me: *POKER FACE*

Igor: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'???????? Are you referring it to Maya?

Qintara: Lyric, stupid.... lyric.

Igor: Okay okay okay okay okay the subject matter is too sensitive for me to discuss so I'm signing out. Bye-bye ladies, tell me when it's over.

Igor has signed out.

Qintara: I invited him because we need to discuss about our song list tonight.

Me: I know. You should reinvite him.

Qintara: Okay. Wait a minute.

Me: Yep.

Qintara: Bad news. He rejected my invitation.

Me: .....................................

Still, got a bad feeling about this reunion.

Random brain teaser.

2011-09-03T15:38:00.001+07:00

Riddle belongs to my coworkers.
♥ you, Nad!
XO, Me.

After being separated for 5 years..

2011-09-01T23:20:00.002+07:00

My old vocal group (quintet, to be exact) will be reunited this October. Back in 2003, I was kicked out from the group because I wasn't coping well with puberty and voice changing, leaving Andra the only girl in the group. One year later, Qintara, who has the most amazing voice I've ever heard, joined the group.

Next October, Andra, Qintara, and I will be performed together in the group along with 2 other boys. We have received the song list, and amazingly, our new manager (okay, he's our temporary manager) didn't give us any female song. So Qintara and I decided to discuss this "problem" on the messenger.

Qintara: Heyya I THINK WE SHUD FIRE HIM FOR GOD SAKE!

Me: Lol yea..

Qintara: He falls in love with the boys' voice I swear

Me: Really?

Qintara: Yeah

Me: Is he gay?

Qintara: I'm 80% sure he's gay

Me: That's cool! We have a gay manager. We support diversity, aight? Like we have a Palembang-Sundanese aka me, a Balinese aka you, bule-nese aka Igor & D', we're really cool!

Qintara: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I don't think your opinion is required *sweat* and it's not related *sweat* I'm so gunna reply his e-mail right now proposing 2 replacement songs, whadya think?

Me: Totally a good idea. If I had to eliminate 2 songs, they will be Hey Jude and Maroon 5's.

Qintara: Noted. We'll replace them wif Adele's Rolling In The Deep and Heart Like Mine by Miranda Lambert. How how? :-D

Me: *POKER FACE*

Qintara: Why?

Me: Those are breathtaking songs. And by breathtaking I mean you are going to leave me wheezing "I can't breathe, I can't breathe" on the stage.

Qintara: Ooooo... I know, give those parts for the boys! Let the boys be the lead in Adele's.

Me: And how about ussss?

Qintara: We'll sing the boys' songs! I think I can reach the higher note in Michael Jackson's and Queen's (remember I can sing like Mercedes SSSSOMBODI TOOOOOH HLOOO~OO~OOOO~O~OOOOOVVVV) and who else? You can rule the lowest note in the Bee Gees' :-) How how?

Me: So what's the difference? I need to avoid those boys songs.

Qintara: ZOMG SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT!

Me: Qinta, focus focus focus!

Qintara: Did I just shit myself?

Me: No, you didn't but now you just jinxed yourself.

I got a bad feeling about this reunion.

When I wake up here tomorrow things will never be the same, cuz I won't wait, cuz you won't change and you'll always be this way.

2011-08-15T00:28:00.001+07:00

It's crazy to think that it's only been one month since I graduated and back to work. I've gradually re-settled into the casual comfort of my "normal" life. Going to work, seeing my colleagues, thinking, discussing, headaches, traffic jam, getting paid, enjoying life under my employee hat. Despite the tolerance and happiness I've grown towards my normal life, there's something so unfulfilling about it. I miss seeing my (ex)classmates; the nerdy-ness, the discussion, the laughs, heavy books, Saturday morning coffee, all of them..

We may not all be living life as we would want it, so I think all of us who are at transitional stages should be ready to move to something new. I have a friend who liked to say, "The best thing about semesters is that they end." Semesters are great like stories, are great like novels, are great like movies: they all have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And so does school. So you can see where I'm going with this: closing down "Campus Life" label is like dying.

Not that. But it is something I'm trying to feel satisfied about, something I want to let be an ending in the best narrative sense of the world :)

I've got a lot of catching up to do. I need to find my place again, among the members of my society. It may or may not be worth writing about, but I hope I will not blog again under "Campus Life" label. It would, in someways, be good for me to be writing about the job perhaps. There are a lot of things about my job, this advisory firm, and the way the place works that make for serious blog content. Of course my employer names will remain secrets here because I feel like I would likely get fired if I were found out while doing a lot of unsavory blogging lol. See ya!

♥, Me

49 days to the graduation ceremony.

2011-08-06T20:15:00.001+07:00

For the last 2 years, whenever I meet somebody and they ask, "What do you do?" I have always been able to answer, "I'm a postgrad student and an employee." It's a satisfying answer for someone of my age. It seems to fit my station in life. But now when they ask, I only tell them that I am an employee.. at a consulting firm.. doing some IT Governance-related works.. and I like my job. Like unfortunately, being a "postgraduate" only seems to get one so far. You know, people always expect you to do something more, and a follow-up question like, "So what do you do for money?" just makes me very uncomfortable because it's not satisfying.

So I found myself lacking one identity as a student. But someday I will get used to this climate, right? I hope so :)

♥, Me

G is for Graduation.

2011-07-03T19:21:00.001+07:00

Writing.

Almost every aspect of my life involves writing. I work as a consultant, I produce "documents". I enjoy blogging, means I really love putting my thoughts (and sometimes they're mindless) into writing. I always write wordy IM to my friends. But when it comes to write a master thesis.. I didn't enjoy it. It's funny how during the most exciting and eventful time of my life, I'm the least likely to write. Writing a master thesis is a traumatic experience for me, which is sad. I was feeling forced, worked under big pressure, and I know I could've done better. When you write it is literally yourself versus yourself, without pressure from anyone & anywhere, you will try at maximum effort to pull ideas that could possibly go anywhere from your brain.

And so I must announce here, during my absence in the world of blogging, I have been transformed from miserable grad student to near-alumnus. Two days ago, at approximately 11:50 a.m I passed my thesis defense for Master of Science in Psychology. There are some minor revision needed, and in about 10 days, I should be done forever. I will make my best effort to make this thesis more beautiful and "sounds knowledgeable".

The new and improved chapter of my life has now begun. The last 2 years will be missed.

Visiting new libs.

New libs.

Library has Starbucks!

My signature on Starbucks' wall.

My friend Chia. Both of us has PAD (Post-it Acquisition Disorder).

Chia passed her thesis defense 24 hours before meh :) Yay!

Master of Science!

♥, Me

100 Happiness: Part 3 - iPod/iPhone photo edition.

2011-06-25T22:53:00.000+07:00

<< Go to 100 Happiness Page

#21. Pressing the snooze button on the alarm

#22. Flowers, flowers, flowers!

#23. Breakfast out

#24. Good coffee shops to study at

#25. Sign in and show my ID card to prove that I belonged there

#26. That "fresh" feeling after taking some breathe-fresheners

#27. FoodOgraphy (the only problem exists between foods and photographers)

#28. Having a perfect "Me-time" reading young adults novel

#29. Adult humor

#30. (And of course) iPhone/iPod/iPad photo apps :)

♥, Me

Hit me, kick me.. Kiss me.

2011-06-20T19:53:00.001+07:00

These things are truly strange: people can have emotional feelings and reactions to things that are posted on the Internet - the same feelings and reactions that they'd write using ink in their diaries. A little bit melodramatic yes, but right. Social networking sites literally run our lives. We catch up and keep up with those closest and farthest away via social networking, like we are screaming in the real life saying, "Hey, I'm here! / Hey, I'm bored! / Hey, my boss is stupid! / Hey, those motorcycle drivers are devils / Hey, Honey I miss you. AND I THOUGHT EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THAT!" We used to have the only almightly Reply button, now we have the Like button on one of our mindless status updates (on Facebook and Instragr.am) or ReTweet (on Twitter). But is it that simple? I think not.

Example if I may. A nice boy you went on a date with the night before, post a sweet wall post on your Facebook referencing your fantastic night. Your ex-boyfriend "Like"s this wall post. Some of you and readers think he's happy for you and your potential new boyfie. But some of you think the ex is saying, "Hey, glad to see you are moving on nicely, don't forget about me.. hoping you are feeling guilty.." so on, and so forth. I've been facing a similar problem since ages. I am following and reading my ex-boyfriend's wife's blog, Twitter, and Instagr.am; I also befriend her on Facebook. I'm avoiding dropping her a comment or click the Like button when she talks/writes about her husband and family. Now everybody thinks I am jealous because it seems so hard for me to say "I'm happy for you two". Silence is not always so golden then. Yes it's hard, but I'm not jealous. You know what I mean, her husband was my boyfriend for two years. I let him go. We're good friends right now. So whenever the wife writes about how happy they are, I don't want to leave a response as simple as "I'm happy for you two" just because I truly meant it. I truly meant it, and the Like button or some short replies will never explain how much I'm happy for them. It could be interpreted as, "Don't forget, he was my boyfriend before he met you."

Now you know what I mean. Someone could be misunderstood or misinterpreted. When people read a tweet they are FREE to interpret that tweet from their own point of view and stand point. The meaning of "Likes" and replies may be different from its reception and not its original intent. Unlike in the 90's, you had to page someone to call you, so he could call you a whore blatantly on the phone.. and noone knows it.

I don't know if I am a true realist but I do know that I prefer that passion of honest words made from ones mouth. I don't use social networking to establish daily convo and to deliver my formal reaction and feeling. If you hate me, call me and use your voice. Tell me. If you love me, stand outside my house with your shitty boom box that only plays cassette. If you miss me, do something and don't say it using Twitter updates. Do something. Hit me, kick me, kiss me. I will not kill you; I can respect that.

♥, Me.

A birthday gift..

2011-06-07T18:14:00.000+07:00

.. from my mother :)

Thank you, Ibu.. I love you!

♥, Me.

Blessings in disguise.

2011-06-07T11:44:00.003+07:00

First thing first. I had to thank my friend Qintara for making me a count down to birthday card. I received this photo on Thursday. Seems like everyone's getting into iPhone photo application, but it's very awesome:

I never been this pretty looking!

I will be honest. I'm not a birthday person - meaning I never very excited about my birthday after I turned 21. And this year, I sorta just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.

So, yesterday was my 24th birthday. The day itself started out well. I finished the first draft of my thesis, from the first until the fifth chapter plus an intervention program guideline at 01:30 am. I had 2 friends who kept me accompanied during the writing process and they were very excited to be the first person who says Happy Birthday to Yooou! via IM (thank you Peach and RGH!). Finally, I fell asleep at 02:00 am.

The first thesis draft was born on Monday June 6th, 01:30 pm, 120 pages long.

I woke up in the morning feeling stiff and sleepy and without thinking took a glass of coffee. I attended a 2-hours meeting at the office before I went to the school giving this thesis progress to my advisor. It wasn't until I got to school when my colleagues asked me to go to the karaoke. I actually wasn't expecting to do anything that night because Mondays are typically my crash-the-second-I-get-home day. On my way back to the office, I decided to get a cup of coffee. Damn you sleepy eyes!

Oh yesss..!

Let me say that I didn't take any of my own pics last night and I couldn't try to give you an idea of how great the night was. We went to the karaoke at 06:30 pm until 09:00 pm. The fourteen of us sang, screamed, danced, and yelled to each other for more than 2 hours. It was a nice birthday, not just because I have the best family and friends, but also because I was spoiled by all my colleagues. This made my birthday this year was truly special. Well honestly, I know birthdays are specials - I'm just not a birthday person, but I know birthdays are specials. I think the 25th year is going to turn out pretty awesome after all. More coffee please..

♥, Me.

Holythesisbatmanmessyroom! Part 2.

2011-05-31T16:09:00.001+07:00

Pictures worth 1,000 words, you wouldn't need wordy explanation. It's so very stressing me out.

Undergraduate thesis (2008-2009) [link]:

Master thesis (2011):

What would you say if I asked you not to go to forget everyone forget everything and start over with me would you take my hand and never let me go promise me you'll never let me go.

2011-05-24T19:15:00.007+07:00

Back in 2004, I dig my brother's music folder in our shared computer and found a song titled "Promise" by Matchbook Romance (RIP). The first time I heard this song, it feels like WHOAH damn, I like this one! The next day, I gave my 2-years boyfriend a copy of Promise, and told him I wanted him to play that song in the next gig - but it never happened because we broke up two or three months later, in the same year. Promise is a crazy song with powerful lyrics. It shows how someone can be soooo dependent on their love that the only time they feel alive is when that person is around them.

Two thousand and six. I was 19, was pretty busy with my undergrad school, and for a few years I had been avoiding any situations where I could potentially fall in love. The thing is I wasn't really over the break up (my 2004 break up) and I thought starting a relationship with someone who is head over heels over me while I still 'hurt' from the break up is not fair to the other person. I needed some time alone and I believed one day there will be a perfect time to start a relationship with someone. Several months later, I (re)met a great guy and we hit it off really well. We got similar interest, we loved to share stupid stories, and both of us were recovering from our break up (what a coincidence!). I remember that one day he said, "I don't think the way back to love will simply come with time. Because without the strong intent and right actions, the readiness may never come." His words stabbed me.

One day, we played guitar together. We sang at the top of our lungs. "Do you know a song titled Promise?", I asked him. "Promise by Matchbook Romance? That's the shit! I'll bring the melody, you play the bass.", he answered - but we switched because I didn't know the bass tabs. The song started gravelly because we couldn't sing some low notes. What would you say if I asked you not to go.. We both realized we sounded creepy and had a stupid laugh.

.. to forget everyone forget everything and start over with me. I could relate to the line so much when we decided to start a relationship. Would you take my hands and never let me go, promise me you'll never let me go. It seems that what our hearts needed - we need each other.

And the starts aren't out tonight, but neither are we to look up at them. Why does hello feel like goodbye? These memories can't replace, these wishes I wished and these dreams I chased. Take this broken heart and make it right. I remember the night we found out the major thing that set into motion the decline of our relationship almost three years later. That day was sort of a fog for us and it ended by us locking ourself in his car and spending the night silently (to get into the details of what happened aren't really important). After all this stuff, I didn't just up and leave him, which began our 17-months journey to what I was hoping would be healing. We did our best to be a good friend for each other and we 'want to see what develops'.

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone, left remembering what it's like to have you here with me. Remember when a wise person told you that you will appreciate each other more after you spent some time apart? Those 17-months was such a fog. We lost in the woods for several times and we found each other again. I knew we hadn't disengaged emotionally because we were stupid and were too scared to let go. That day I said that we need to stop calling our relationship something that it's not (again), which led us to go our separate ways. Unfortunately for our relationship, both of us didn't want for things to be fixed. I thought you should know, you're not making this easy.

One sure thing about love is that you can't have it without risking a heartbreak. As for now, we have a fun time when we hang out and talk together (as friends!), which makes me sure that both of us are on the same page. More over, we think that we really should invest our time learning to love ourselves.. and move on :) We will look back and see how much we've grown through all the good times and the bad. Yeah, we hate the bad times.. they are no fun!

Two thousand and eleven. Seven years since the first time I heard that song, and three months after the "real" break up. I still know every word to this song not because this song is THAT relateable, but it's because this song IS beautiful.

♥, Me.

The ascension of procrastination.

2011-05-15T23:13:00.007+07:00

I've come to the conclusion that I cannot learn or work without music. The only thing that matters: I need to hear some words. That's true. I vowed to make a new playlist every month, and to be specific, I name the playlists "(Month) (Year)". But if you see the current playlists on my iPod, you wouldn't find April 2011 and May 2011 playlist, because I made the most brilliant playlist name *eh-ver*: Thesis Anthem. It accurately describes my inner turmoil and backpain. It consists of 125 songs from 1960s to 2011; from Fleetwood Mac to Demi Lovato via Sixpence None The Ritcher; from alternative rock to acapella; and from boybands to gays.

Other than the "Thesis Anthem", I like to keep coffee by my desk because the caffeine and its smell wakes me up. Bengawan Solo's Brandi Cookies is the best, followed by 7-eleven's Cappucino, or maybe Torabika's Cappucino (I don't like Starbucks' frappie). I just dragged myself to the nearest 7-eleven (Pondok Indah) and bought a medium cup of hot cappucino. I usually have it cold in my own tumbler, but now aka the lazy and sleepy night, hot cappucino have won me over. And look, I use paper glass (not tumbler) which means I hope it will get colder soon. Kaboom!

Okay, so this post is just another form of procrastination. ~~I hate thesis.~~ Oh yes, there must be a holiday in some part of this country tomorrow. Congratulations! ~~Once again, I hate thesis.~~ Okay, I promise for the next hours, I will put all stress aside and just enjoy life while I work. Bye.

♥, Me.

DIY: Chicken soup with corn and mushroom.

2011-05-13T23:40:00.005+07:00

Tonight is a beautiful night, a beginning of super long weekend for some people, and is a productive ~~night~~ day for me. Yay for Friday the 13th! I'm currently working on my second chapter (well, actually I am blogging - I know) and am feeling soooo inspired after reading so many books and e-books about my thesis topic.

When the night was getting colder, I decided to make a chicken and mushroom soup. Also, we have kernel corns, so let's mix them up. The result: BLAH!

Well, this failure is so discouraging. LOL. It makes me questions my cooking abilities. The recipe came from a valued source (aka Chef Ex-boyfriend), we've tried it together and succeed - so how could it have gone so wrong tonight? In the end I just come to the conclusion not to make that recipe again. Okay, maybe chicken and corn soup, WITHOUT mushroom because it smells like a shoe. FYI, I brought that soup to my bedroom (I know food is not allowed in here) and now my bedroom smells like a shoe. A SHOE! But not mine.

♥, Me.

Oh sweet lungs don't fail me now your burning has turned into fear it drills me in my every step I'm moving quick but you're always on my heels.

2011-05-05T19:54:00.004+07:00

To give you a little back story, at the end of 2010, I decided to take a 6-months *unpaid* study leave to finish my master's thesis and finally-finally-finally graduate....

But taking a 6-months break from your job doesn't mean you can fully concentrated to your thesis. Up until that point, I had been too consumed with 'the elation' of leaving my job and the pressure of finishing this thesis to think of the sacrificed I made in order to graduate this June. However, I wasn't really productive. The first chapter was brutally hard, and my advisor wouldn't let me to go to the next chapter without finishing the first. First chapter is the baseline, the guideline, the answer of "Why are you writing this thesis? Why did you choose this topic? And other Whys." But my absolute question is: Why do we have to write a master thesis? Argh!

With my chronic lack of thesis productivity I decided to accept a part-time position in the company when my bosses offered it last month. I need something to divert my attention when I am suffering from "Panic at the Thesis" moments. Though I certainly didn't regret my old decision to take a break from my job, during my absences I realized that whenever something is gained, something else disappears. Therefore, a part-time position seems to be a win-win solution for me and the company, because they also need me haha! So, COBIT and QA, I'm coming back to yoooou..!

Monday morning, I finally turned in Chapter 1. It was 18 pages long, that equals FOUR MONTHS hard work, and TWO months overdue from my own timeline. As I expected, my advisor approved it on Tuesday and now all I have to do is write the second chapter (which is Literature Review), and yet I am still staring at a blank page and am feeling a little bit stupid.

Okay, so the page isn't exactly or 100% blank. I have an outline, but it doesn't do much good. The headings I've made are good, but there's nothing good under those headings. So now, it's a good night to start reading a new book about Performance Management Improvement that will boost your "Self-Efficacy" (ahem, my thesis topic!), but since I have one pending work, I think I'm going to wear my employee hat right now.

See you tomorrow thesis!

♥, A miserable Master of Applied Psychology in Human Resource student.

You don't wanna lose it again but I'm not like them. Baby when you finally get to love somebody guess what..

2011-05-02T22:39:00.005+07:00

When I saw my friend with her husband, I see something extra-ordinary. She inspired me to be a better person. Not a different person, just better. Her and her husband are so adorable. Her look: shiny lips, long curly hair, duo colored (brunette and gold), girlie clothing with a pair of capri jeans, plus white flat shoes. Her husband: sleek hair with a fuller bread, Wrangler blue jeans, black Converse, and blue Polo shirt. She looked natural but elegant; and he had a special charm that made her wife feels warm. Effect together: Magical. They are the kind of people who lead you to believe that growing old completely in love with one person is more than possible. They lead you to believe that love is admiration. They are the gold of our generation.

And thank you Instagram for making my hand look like an old lady hand.

♥, Me.

Got a secret can you keep it swear this one you'll save.

2011-04-27T21:26:00.002+07:00

♥, Me.

PS 1: In the photo is RG's signature scent.

PS 2: I've stopped trying to break that secret message.

Will they give me the chair or lethal injection or swing from a rope if you dare nobody knows all the trouble I've seen.

2011-04-23T20:40:00.003+07:00

When the task of of writing a master thesis has become the number one priority of a postgrad student, a miserable student like me could easily transform our habits of procrastination into a "productive discussion session" with the schoolmates. Sometimes it involves taking our laptop and textbooks to the coffee shop once until 3 times a week. See, thesis has become our lifestyle.

Sometimes, coffee shop studying is less distracting than the oh-so-studious library or my bedroom. At my bedroom, all I could do is leaning on the desk with my left hand (and the other one is busy making box in the desktop) and questioning why we must write a thesis, whyyy?? - whereas going to the school library never makes anything easier since the lazy Librarians always driving me nuts. At the coffee shop, such as Starbucks, the ambiance helps, but the couch is very harmful. The coffee price also very dangerous for your wallet. So in my personal theory, going to a coffee shop to write your thesis is not always a good decision, but it gives you an opportunity to make a little progress. For what it's worth, the underlying theory of my assumption is Vroom's Expectancy-Value Theory. Don't worry, I won't discuss the gory details about that theory.

I managed to stay productive this long weekend. I've read three books this weekend although I have not yet written anything on my thesis paper. And now my eyes are very funky and I'm more than ready to hit the hay.

♥, Me

Updated: Celebrating my 20,000th Shutter Count (Featuring Baby Photos).

2011-04-22T21:14:00.006+07:00

I think it is fair to say that photography is in my blood. My mother was a photographer. Her first camera was Nikon FE2, and she still has it. She has thousands photos of her life: her childhood, her life as a teenager, as a graphic designer student, her art works in university, her young adult moments, her marriage, my brother and I's first moment of life. Those photographs tell a story of where she has been, and they become a valuable part of her past and an important part of her present life.

As a kid, I always demanded control over the snapshot camera. When I was a 9 years old girl, I got my first analog camera and I took it everywhere, even without film in it. My mother bought it at Toys City, it was Rp 50.000, green, with a football lens cap. It didn't has the flash light so I had to borrow my mothers. Apparently, my parents weren't happy with all the Rp spent processing rolls, but no matter what, I always just kept shooting.. without film in my camera. It's funny to remember those old times when every shutter count costs us money :)

In 2007, I was 20 years old when I voiced my interest in becoming a photographer to my parents. The problem was how can I get the permission to buy a digital SLR, because those cameras are like Rp 8.000.000 and they would be like, "Why would we waste millions Rp for you to take pictures of craps? Just work on your skills now and show us what you can do with.... this point of shoot camera."

But mother.. I want a DSLR :(

Just work on your skills and show us what you can do with this camera!

Okay, so for months I've shown some serious interest in this hobby. I signed up for a photography class, looked at photographers' blogs, shooting with my mother's old FE2 and really study the art. And finally, two years ago, I got a digital SLR and a compact superzoom camera.

To be honest, I never actually thought about pursuing photography until someone looked really good with a DSLR in her hand. She's my cousin, Sasha.

Happy 24th belated birthday!

My goal in photography is to capture the beauty of life. I know that time passes quickly and each day brings new and exciting moments. Moments which I didn't want to forget. Photographs aren't just pictures - they are reminders of all of the beauty that surrounds us.

Pardon mah lips.

♥, Me

Let's Have a Fair Fight!

2011-04-12T14:15:00.001+07:00

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people

Just sign it off!
Screw you!
You are so dramatic.
Don't let someone decide your happiness.
Your tweets are kinda trashy.
I'm sad we couldn't work things out.
You never hit wrong number.
You are not more understanding of other people's feeling. I wish you weren't cursed with your friends.
Let's go to Greece!!
You have to know my plans.

Nine things about yourself

I am loud.
I underestimate my abilities.
I can take pictures all day.
I'm confident with my height.
I don't like to drink alcohol and wine.
I love going into grocery store and buying a shit ton of snacks.
Some of my favorite songs are from the 80's and 90's.
I don't like the Twilight saga.
I like to tease my boyfriend with "Kid" word.

Eight ways to win your heart in relationships

Keep your promise.
Can speak English.
Speak your mind. Do not think I am a fucking mind-reader.
Be smart and care less about what people think about us.
Take care of your mother.
Have a good control in your life.
Make a quality convo, like a balanced mix of light and heavy convo (PS: We don't have to talk all the time).
Take me on a picnic, bring your guitar, I'll bring mine, and we can sing at the top of our lungs.

Seven best feelings in the world

Singing and playing guitar with boyfriend.
Being a good sister to my brothers.
Laughing with my mother.
Holding a sleeping baby.
There's nothing better than achieving something that took you forever to get it.
The feeling of truly loved and accepted by others.
Sleeping on an empty beach and listening to the sound of waves.

Six things you are trying to improve about yourself

Consistency and stop procrastinating.
Learning to invest more money.
English grammar, duh!
Update my wardrobe.
Photography skills.
My life itself.

Five people who inspire you

My parents - both of them, inseparable, for different reasons.
Travis Wall.
Bethy from "Eden Photography".
Ms. Corina, my lecturer.
Jack Dawson, because he is always happy.

Four things you think you do pretty well

Cursing.
Procrastinating.
Making pancakes.
Make a fun of people's stupidity.

Three songs that you listen too often (currently)

Some Michael Learns to Rocks
Some N' Syncs
Some Roxettes

Two things you want to do before you die

Be a mother
Write a book

One confession

Well, I have RGH's boxers in my closet. I never stole them, actually - he left them.

♥, Me

Boy I missed your kisses all the time but this is 25 minutes to late. Though you travelled so far boy I’m sorry you are 25 minutes too late.

2011-04-10T10:13:00.004+07:00

- Michael Learns to Rock.

.. And we have to learn to let it go. That effort is not tangible, it's just needing the future more than the past :)

♥, Me

Dear Papap..

2011-04-06T18:53:00.003+07:00

How's heaven, Pap?

Senin kemarin Uwa Hilly menyusul Papap ke surga.. Sudahkah Papap ketemu dengan beliau?

Maya tau kabarnya beberapa jam setelah kejadian. Karena di kantor signalnya jelek banget, supir sampai nyusul ke kantor Maya dan masuk ke dalem untuk nyampein berita duka itu. Maya kaget, shock, sampai untuk beberapa detik lupa siapakah Uwa Hilly itu? Dan akhirnya semua kejadian itu terulang lagi, Maya cuma bisa nangis di depan pintu dan ngga berani masuk untuk melihat jenazah beliau. Sama seperti Maya ngeliat Papap yang udah tidur tenang 6 tahun yang lalu. Astaghfirullah..

Arya dan Ardy alhamdulillah cukup tegar. Bantu Tuhan melindungi mereka ya, Pap.. Perjalanan hidup mereka masih panjang, dan Ardy punya hati yang mulia untuk take over usaha Ibunya. Maya juga ingin ikut make sure dan menjaga mereka, tapi mereka kan bukan anak kecil lagi ya, Pap.. Apalagi badannya udah pada segede-gede gitu.

Hidup di tengah-tengah keluarga Djoe yang alhamdulillah dikaruniai usia panjang dan kesehatan yang baik, bikin Maya selalu yakin bisa berumur panjang. Tapi bertubi-tubi berita kematian yang datang setelah Papap pergi (terutama Opa, February 6th; dan Uwa), bikin Maya sadar bahwa kematian adalah suatu hal yang dekat dengan kita dan sebuah takdir yang ngga pernah kita tau akan datang kapan. Bisa hari ini, besok, atau bahkan 100 tahun lagi. Maya ngga tau apakah akan pergi ke sana sebelum atau sesudah Ibu, ngga tau juga apakah Maya akan berkesempatan menghadirkan cicit-cicit Papap di sini sebelum pergi atau ngga.. Again, semua takdir, Pap.. Sooner or later.

Anyway, keluarga ini ngga pernah sama setelah kepergian Papap. It's scary how quickly things can change in 6 years! Rasanya Maya seperti orang mengalami hormonal imbalance that made me feel strange. I don't even know my family anymore, Pap.. But I want to keep this family together, I said that to Arya about 2 years ago when we were having our dinner in Bandung. I thought it was our job as the oldest grandchildren. It's hard, Pap.. but we'll try our best to make it happen, I promise.. :)

Well, everything happens for a reason. Maya berusaha untuk menyelami kalimat itu baik-baik dari segi positifnya. Dan semoga kepergian Papap dan Uwa akan mengarah ke suatu hal yang lebih baik lagi di masa depan. Ngga ada salahnya berharap, toh hidup memang selalu penuh harapan supaya menjadi 'lebih hidup' kan, Pap? Baik-baik ya, Pap, di sana.. I love you.

♥, Me

100 Happiness: Part 2.

2011-04-04T06:04:00.002+07:00

<< Go to 100 Happiness Page

#11. Bow on birthday present

#12. Sisterhood

#13. This gorgeous picture..

#14. The day when I accidentally-on-purpose bought a fish eye Lomo

#15. Candlelits

#16. Highschool memories

#17. Random adrenaline rush

#18. A natural smile

#19. Hidden note in my organizer

#20. JC Chasez singing This I Promise You

(Link to YouTube video)

♥, Me

In the dark it's getting hard to breathe.

2011-03-22T21:00:00.004+07:00

♥, Yourself.

100 Happiness: Part 1.

2011-03-17T22:24:00.006+07:00

#100happiness is trending on Twitter. It inspired me to make a blog post about 100 happiness in my life. So here, I declare that one of my goal this year to keep this blog alive is to identify 100 things that bring me happiness or make me happy. I'm starting this today and will update anytime with 10 things each entry.

#1. Perfect black and white photos

#2. Capturing moments

(Photo courtesy of Dini Pratiwi)

#3. Walking along the beach bare foot

#4. Beautiful bokeh (or lens flare)

#5. Holding hands

#6. Love

#7. Bite-Sized Chocolates

#8. Green teas

#9. Exploring city at night

#10. Riding bicycle in Bali

♥, Me

I just want to be with you 'cause living is so hard to do when all I know is trapped inside your eyes.

2011-03-13T22:30:00.004+07:00

Oh Adam,
Please be at least bisexual.

♥, Me (and Nadya)

Photo source: [link].

I'm up against the speaker, tryin' to take on the music. It's like a competition, me against the beat.

2011-03-05T09:30:00.006+07:00

You may have noticed that a number of my previous entries are titled using song lyrics. The thing is, I love music. It is so power full, it can make or break your mood, your day, everything. The entries relate to the lyrics, but only a few that relate just to the line. Sometimes lyrics speak to the heart of matters much more than I could ever put into words myself.

It's funny how we can forget about certain singers/bands or genres. Sometimes we completely leave them behind as if they were a person you just got tired of spending time with 'cause something else came along. I was shuffling through my iTunes this morning, and came across a song that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't imagine how I had forgotten about that band and their songs.

I genuinely believe that we don't miss something until we notice that it is gone - but how did I not notice that it was gone?

♥, Me.

If you saw the world through my eyes, then you wouldn't feel so high rise. It's time to take a chance you've gotta sit back and hold tight.

2011-03-03T00:09:00.004+07:00

Road to our master's thesis..

.. is involving 3 major things:

Discussion
Coffee
Camera

♥, Me.

You've heard it all before and everyone makes mistakes these days. Hey nobody's perfect, but the choices that you make may involve someone else.

2011-02-27T21:26:00.007+07:00

I have been struggling with the question of heart versus head. There is a time in our life when we have to choose between heart or head. I think it is safe to said that most of the time those two things match up, but I've had very few instances in my life where I have been torn between the two, one of those times is now. My heart is feeling emotion that my head is trying to counteract. I feel as if I am being pulled in two different directions. So, the question stands: In regards of life and love, do you follow reason or emotion?

If someone asks me that question they might as well be telling me to go fuck myself. The reason being, is the answers aren't always so black and white. This is just not simple mathematics, the different emotions and thoughts constantly pulling our mind and soul in different directions, showing us what certain decisions would do the outcomes of situations doesn't make any one choice an 'obvious' one.

I am the kind of person who looks at life pretty realistically. I'm not trying to candy coat life to be something it is NOT. For the most part, I let my brain lead and my heart follow. I like the security if knowing that all the facts are clear and concise and they all point, without a doubt, in direction I'm headed.

People always encourage us to that time, weigh the pros and cons, because heart can be obsolete and it's not real. But maybe.. the answer to that question is that we should find a balance. If we tend to follow our emotion more and think we need to have a little more balance and reality, then go with that. If we tend to follow reason more, maybe it's time to let our heart lead a little. We'll get where we're trying to go. Whatever it takes. Yeah, I think I've found my answer. I need one of you to summarize all of these shitty words. Thanks.

♥, Me.

I broke off the chances to get all this done, my impatience won. Too many no good for me's, I'll turn the clock I'm my own boss.

2011-02-22T22:09:00.010+07:00

I don't want to update this blog nearly as often as I could or should. I just feel like my life is too mundane for anyone to really care about. The things are totally boring (somehow..) and I really really don't like sharing. All in all, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at, minus a few money problems and small bits of drama.

So there are many thoughts and emotions bouncing around in my head at the moment. For the sake of these people names (or specifics) will not be mentioned but anyone who knows my current situation should understand who I mean and WHY I am so vague on the topic. Currently I just feel so over a lot of things. A not so little secret, I am very picky and brush-offish about things *yeah you are* I usually don't take less than I deserve or want at the time but lately that's been different. I gave up.

I felt angry, confused, and sad - all wrapped up into one. I just felt I was doing something wrong and it makes me couldn't stop beating myself up about things :| I'm learning to be OK with myself on my own, I've been having a great time with friends and keeping busy, but I also fight that because the busier and happier I am, the more I don't think about you and it's all going to slip through my fingers because you think I don't care anymore. When do you accept life and LET-IT-GO?

So, no matter how many things go well (or bad), I always find myself questioning it. Or holding my breath until something goes totally wrong. And then I can barely enjoy anything positive because I worry too much about whether I will still be in that positive place in a day, a week, a month, a year. And then I get bummed out, and sad, and when someone asks me what IS wrong, I honestly have no explanation.

So I'm making this list for myself. Five rules that I'm putting into effect immediately. I'm hoping if they're written down, instead of just repeating it over and over in my head until I feel stupid, I will actually feel like there substance to them.

Stop taking everything SO PERSONALLY. If I get corrected for an error at work, it doesn't mean that the co-worker/lecturer hates me. It goes on and on (remember the learning theories!!). Someone doesn't like a music that I do? It doesn't mean that they think my taste sucks,
Don't worry myself with what-if, what-if, what-if,
Stop thinking about the past, and worrying about the future. Live. In. Today!
Finish my thesis ASAP. My God, I fucking hate it!
For THE ♥LOVE♥ OF GOD, please stop overanalysing everthing!!

Until later, I really hope of some positive blog entry.

♥, Yourself.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you.

2011-02-21T12:17:00.004+07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ~~IPIN & UPIN~~ MY BROTHERS!

THEY TURN 21 TODAY

YAY! 21 years young 02.21.2011

♥, Me

And I don't want the world to see me 'cause I don't think that they'd understand when everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am.

2011-02-03T21:44:00.008+07:00

Some breaking news!

November 2010: A friend of mine deleted a person from her life. Many of friends keep in contact with their past loves or people they've dated, but she cannot. She got so disgusted that she just needs to delete him completely from her life.

She told me about her relationship with this guy began pleasantly, but after the 'honeymoon' period it turned verbally abussive. Little by little her boyfriend began to plant seed in her head that could control her actions. He made her friends were the enemy and he was the only one who truly understood her (later she began to make him the priority of her life). Looking back again, her boyfriend would also display his temper to intimidate her. One time they got in a fight, he punched the wall so hard that it left a mark. Wow!

Anytime they had a fight, he'd always try to keep her in the relationship. Sometimes he would come crying back to her, and begging her to stay with him. She felt that deep down he was a good person so she thought that maybe there's something wrong and she really wanted to help him find the right path. Man, she loved him, although I feel that when men act this way it is selfish because they should let a woman move on. But love is blind. Sometimes we did not realize that in the relationship we had lost ourselves for our boyfriend/girlfriend. My friend has lost her friends, and her emotions were in the palm of his hand.

But it was not until she joined a random conversation with me and my friends about the signs of an unhealthy relationship, that she realized she was being verbally abused. That day she was holding out hope that "It doesn't happen to me, it doesn't happen to me..", but then she has become sick of trying to figure out what went wrong with him, with their relationship, and with herself. At that point, she knew she had to get out of the relationship - she needs to take care of herself and, "It's not my job to take care of him!"

Oh.. She's so brave. *Finally*

According to her story, the breakup process itself was not easy and was very painful. In order to get out of the relationship, we really have to cut off all ties. She had to make sure that herself's so very ready to give up. She was in love with him, but she wouldn't take the risk and would not fight for him *inhale* She won't regret it because if she would've stayed with him, he would've have ruined her life *exhale*

And now, she is a happy 23 years young. She gains back control of her life and knows that there's life after her abusive relationship. She needed a safe place, and she has found it in her best friends' arms. She knew her friends (and family) will support her in all her decisions and she will be there when she needs them.

In our (ladies) disappointment in the search for a man who is true, there are so many lesson learned :)

♥, Me.

Drama doesn't follow me it rides on my back.

2011-01-30T22:46:00.007+07:00

[See this in Twitpic]

"PIMPLESS" is still wrong! LOL.

Auto-correct errors aren't new to the iPhone and iTouch. For some reason they are so hilarious but they create frustration at some of their ridonkulous suggestions for commonly misspelled or even sometimes correctly spelled words. Back when I was getting frustrated with school and its assignments, my iTouch never censored my repeated use of swear words, and after awhile, it helpfully tried to autofill the words "asshole" for me. How sweet!

One day, I signed in to Yahoo! Messenger using my iTouch and received an offline message. A friend of mine is about to go for Umrah and she left this offline message asking my wishlist. My wish, that day, is to have a 'shitless' 2011. I replied her message using my iTouch, but it didn't like the word "Shitless" and automatically corrected it to "Shirtless". As in,

"Thank you so much! My wish is to have a shirtless 2011. You know what I mean, My Dear :)"

And I almost tweeted this the other day:

"Trying to solve this Sodomy games."

*I meant Sudoku, but I typed Sodoku instead then iTouch corrected it to "Sodomy". Fortunately, I reread my tweet and tweet canceled!

Thanks, iTouch & iPhone, for making us sound crazier than we really do.

For BlackBerry users, auto-correct (or autotext) are really helpful to make these faces:

(˘_˘٥) , ƪ(♥ε♥“)ʃ , and ( ‾▿▿▿▿▿▿‾ )

By the way, if you are interested to find some iPhone auto-correct fails, you can visit damnyouautocorrect.com. There are some auto-correct tragedy that can make your day ;)

♥, Me.

I never said it would be easy but i never knew it would be so hard to make our mark.

2011-01-26T19:17:00.002+07:00

I found my old sketch book this an hour ago. Look what's inside..

Oh boy, I so miss them. Take a look *deeper and deeper* and you'll find some funny facts behind those signatures!

♥, Me.

Tale as old as time, tune as old as song, bitter sweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong.

2011-01-24T21:47:00.006+07:00

"Tales don't tell themselves." - Funeral of a Friend's 3rd album.

I don't believe in fairy tales :( I don't believe in a world without war, and I don't believe in knights in shining armor. There's no such thing as perfect. No such thing as happily ever after. Unloved step-daughters do not turn into princess, kisses don't heal, and frogs don't turn into princess.

But I do believe in reality. I believe in hurt and suffering, like I believe in pain and loss. I believe in the little kid who sits by the door waiting for his/her daddy to come home. I believe in the teenage girl who looks in the mirror and doesn't see "pretty", like I believe in the teenage boy with a weed in his hands and his sight is covered by thick smokes. I believe in the young woman left alone by her fiance, like I believe the young man who is not good enough in his father's eyes. I believe in the young parent with a child in heaven. I believe in the man preparing his mother's funeral. I believe in the old lady & man living along in a convalescent home, like I believe in the old lady & man lying in a hospital bed.. fighting for their lives.

Life is not a fairy tale me thinks. We just have to hang on to that shred of hope that if we wish hard enough, our wishes will come true, although the rational part of us knows they never will....

.... And that's what dreams are for.

"I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye." (Affirmation - Savage Garden)

♥, Me.

Come on ladies, it's time to pop that top and fellas, I know you're ready to rock. We went crazy cooped all winter long and school is out.

2011-01-23T00:15:00.005+07:00

My first vacation in 2011 was with my postgrad school classmates. As I announced before, we went to the land of God, a.k.a Bali. Three previous hardcore semesters worth a 3-days sweet escape (Jan 13 night to 16).

By the way, last semester proved to be the toughest semester, EVER. If I wasn't an IT consultant and I don't understand what Software Development Life Cycle is, I will not get an A for HRIS subject which means I would get the straight f-ing Bs! Thanks to my job. Once again, THANK YOU, MY JOB!

So thesis.. Here we come!

♥, Me.

If Twitter was Facebook..

2011-01-19T23:36:00.006+07:00

And dude & duddettes, apparently someone gets a heart attack:

@TheMathFace:

@misswhadevr @abhizach Oh Man, shit shit shit I can feel my heart when it stops beating. Damn you KIDS!

♥, Me.

Why do we have to pay to feel empty?

2011-01-19T14:09:00.004+07:00

While You Loved Me.

2011-01-03T19:54:00.006+07:00

If I ever write the story of my life don't be surprised if you're where it begins

~~Girl~~ Boy, I'd have to dedicate every line on every page

To the memories we made, while you loved me

I was born the day you kissed me

And I died inside the night you left me

But I lived, oh how I lived

While you loved me

I'd start with chapter one, love innocent and young as a morning sun on a new day

Even though I know the end, well I'd do it all again

'Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me

While You Loved Me - Rascal Flatts

Can we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time.

2010-12-26T15:14:00.004+07:00

So we all have less than a week left, then we're leaving 2010 behind. Honestly, 2010 feel like a real life, and that's because it is. It's all work with a little play, but that's a real life - you know the real world mixes fun and responsibility.

As some of you may have known, my 6 months study leave will be started in January 2011. The reason behind this is that I realized there are moments in life that you need to slow down a little. If you don't, the rest of the world will go on without you, as it has been doing for a very long time. So I will be unassigned, and will be focused on my thesis.. and it means here comes the days where I find myself not remembering the difference between yesterday and a week before because I'm not working. Ha! For the next 5 days, I'm still working at the office but then I'll be a post grad student studying student's life again.

I complained a lot about this craziness in 2010. Living two lives as a full time employee and a part-time student totally turn my world upside down. But for some people, getting a right job is a dream. Going to post grad school is a dream, too. I should've known that. I should've known that at the end of day, it is going to be a great 'experience' and I'd recommend it to anyone, even though need to warn you that your body will smell like pee for the next 2 years. I think it teaches people a lot about themselves, too.

Looking back now, I have made a lot of mistakes both in office and school. But what else am I supposed to do at 23 years old? If I'm not going to do dangerous things like drink 5 glasses of coffee in 12 hours, when am I ever going to do them? ;)

X MD.

We used to be so free we were living for the love we had and living not for reality.

2010-12-07T20:25:00.005+07:00

My blog posting has become more and more specific. I'm bored to death :( I've thought numerous times about just scrapping this site and blog and saying to hell with it all.

Yet I know that someday something will happen, and when that day comes, I'll want to share it with my friends and family and complete strangers on the interwebs.. hehehe.. These things might include:

a) My Bali vacay - I can't hardly wait,

b) My school and thesis,

c) My photography works, and/or

d) Developing powers of telekinesis.

But until one of these things occur, this will probably be a pretty quiet place........

BTW, things I have done lately:

Submitted my SIX-MONTHS unpaid study leave: Approved! (Heck, I tendered my resignation but ended up taking this unpaid leave. Yay to me!)
Congratulated my newly-graduated cousin Sasha, S.Psi; and soon to be employee Nadya
Went to karaoke with co-workers (and dancing like a drunk slore)
Got my hair cut today. The shortest in the last 6 years. And I'm totally in love with it.

My hair stylist is the best. Thank you!

The bad new is that I'm in the most stupid condition in the world. Asked me to choose whether to productive or consumptive in my busy times, I couldn't answer that. I've spent my nights after office hour working on my school assignment in restaurants. I've moved from Black Canyon, Oh La La Bintaro, PIM, Oenpao Radio Dalam.. and I went to Lotus Court or nearest 7-11 for my Saturday breakfast before going to school. I'm hungry you know, and I just wanted this and that, and am drooling over anything. My appetite's pretty much doubled.

Well, I conclude I just have too much stuff to do to finish up my master, and even though I spend a lot of time procrastinating, it makes me feel guilty to be working on this instead. Haha. Adieu.

♥, Me.

I am restless and I keep trembling. Everyone watch me as I descend into a feeling that's overwhelming me. I finally stopped, stopped making sense.

2010-11-20T23:04:00.005+07:00

For those of you who occasionally read this blog just to see what's up with me, I apologize if you had some headache reading my whirlwind thoughts. Haha they're incredibly boring and you probably skipped them. It's hard for me to update with something normal, because lately everything seems abnormal for me.

Last week, I saw The Last Song. It was beautiful. The fact that I believe that and that I just about drooled at the beach, the beach house, and the beach party. I seriously get starry-eyed just thinking about going to the beach right now. I'm planning to go back to Bali someday in January 2011. HAHA. I'm positive Bali would never stop calling me. So, Greece, call me please!

My job and school continue to be the sources of heartache, so my brain is also on vacation. Literally, as I have been in such a fog for the most part lately that I forget what I opened my laptops for. Monsoon blues, indeed. End of story.

Talking about school and work makes me want to vomit.

♥, Me.

Oh my pretty pretty boy.

2010-11-17T21:58:00.005+07:00

An adult just bought gingerbreads, and an adult can express my feeling.

♥, Me.

I walked across an empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made me complete.

2010-11-06T17:23:00.000+07:00

"Ask for God's help to point us in the right direction - He has the master plan, but He gave us free will, and sometimes our free will messes everything up." - RGH.

Life doesn't come with a clearly defined road map. We take one step after another, we move forward without any clear picture of what lies ahead. Then plans change. Things seldom turn out as we anticipate. But with faith, we are able to step forth into the unknown confident that only good come. The good, may not the way we had hoped. The good that comes may not be painless.

No one knows the future.
And we never really understand the past.

Sent from my JaveBerry®

When you almost gave up your dreams they take you by the hand and show you that you can there are no boundaries.

2010-10-24T15:09:00.009+07:00

Boundaries: Something that indicated the farthest limit.

In my whole life, I have been a pretty tough girl. I always held my own and took care of myself, even though for the most part I didn't navigated through life pretty well, but I have taken on this persona as a 'tough girl'.

Some of my closest friends always came to me with their problems and we'd work them out together, but it was rare that I went to them when when I was in trouble because I just want to figure it out on my own. Being vulnerable with another person is not exactly something that comes easy to me. I have felt the need to hold it together for the sake of everyone else. I would like to point out that I, in no way, think I am some soft of saint, or special for any reason. It's simply just because the way I am.

I don't necessarily think it's a good thing either. I find myself keeping people at an arms length away because that's what I have always done. And for the most part that has worked. My family knew I could handle a lot and never pried much, my friends always saw me as the 'strong one' and never thought I needed much, my ex-boyfriends never really read me well enough to see that I needed MORE that I let on. That was my role: care taker. I never wanted people to feel the need to carry that burden on themselves and I also didn't want people to see me as.. 'weak'.

Boundaries are something that I have gown accustomed to. It helps protect me from the unknown. I don't have to worry about opening up too much to the people around me. I have met few people who can see beyond that and remind me that it is okay to 'feel' things - to show emotion and to be vulnerable. I find it so funny that they can see and understand myself, and they can make me feel safe. Like I can be myself without having to explain the things I do or say. And sometimes, they are the ones that show me things that I didn't even see myself, which is not something to take for granted.

I am being pushed to stop putting up walls as a way to keep people out. There might be ways to let people in without getting hurt or looking 'weak' in the process. I take pride in the fact that I am who I am all the time. For the most part, I like the person I am and am very fond of people who are themselves all the time. I don't wanna have to guess which person I am going to get whatever situation we are in. I am just me: happy, sad, good mood, or bad mood.

I'm thankful for the people in my life that get me. Because of them, I've learned so much about myself, and the growth is an important thing. I don't think anybody no matter the age stop growing as people. I think that constantly looking inward at the things that could use improvement cannot only benefit ourselves personally, but to those around us. So boundaries are good to a certain extent. Every person has his or her limit. But sometimes all we need is someone to hold our hand as we navigate through those days that seem near impossible to get through.

"Sometimes it's okay to let people in when we're feeling down. Better yet, it's just okay to "feel" things. To be sad or mad or just plain down in the dumps but that trying to push it down is never a smart or health way to deal with our hurt and pain. God brings people into our lives so they can share in our experiences, both good and bad." -RGH.

♥, Me.

[link] to image source.

Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make. And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away.

2010-10-12T19:17:00.006+07:00

Sometimes,

We are too worried about what other people will think of us; we forget to worry about ourselves, for us.

We worry about finding true happiness for others; until we forget to find our own happiness, and we forget what makes us happy most.

We worry about friends more that we worry about our family.

We worry about life, and we forget to worry about death.

We worry about losing money, yet we forget to worry about losing our minds.

Aren't we?

♥, Me.

[link] to image source.

Whoever made this please put your credit in the comment section because this is so genius xD

2010-10-03T20:20:00.004+07:00

I want to break free from your lies. You're so self-satisfied I don't need you.

2010-09-26T22:41:00.003+07:00

I believe that no matter what you do people will always have their opinions. Everyone always has something to say. So instead of worrying about what other have to think about you, what do you actually think about you? ALAS you can reflect on yourself and feel like you did the best you could, then that is all there is to it really :)

♥, Me.

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend. When people can be so cold they'll hurt you and desert you and take your soul if you let them.

2010-09-15T21:45:00.002+07:00

And after less than a minute, he called.

♥, Me.

Get back on track, pick me up some bottles of booze. Fickle freshman probably thinks he's cooler than you.

2010-09-11T22:42:00.005+07:00

SPOTTED!

MD's taking pichurz with Canon 7D!

Unfortunately it wasn't hers.

But who cares? LOL :D It's really good! After using it for a few shots, I was like, "Shit man, I'm going to buy this! I HAVE TO buy this!" but then I knew our equipment doesn't affect the quality of our image. I meant the right equipment just make it easier, faster or more convenient for us to get the result we need. So, yeah, I keep hugging mine :) Besides, I have to punish myself for creating bad images yesterday ;)

♥, Me.

'Cause this is real and this is good. It warms the inside just like it should, but most of all it's built to last.

2010-08-31T21:09:00.006+07:00

I did a lot of random thinking lately. My most recent thought, the excellent one, is as follows..

Your parents raise you until you graduate college/uni and then in your 20s, you bein' raising yourself. And the HARDEST part of raising yourself is this:

Your parents will always be proud of you *the most part* because if you do your best they don't see the really stupid things you do. But see, now as we are raising ourselves, for the first time, as 20-somethings, we have to build up our confidence daily while knowing all the dumb stuff we have done.

It's a tough work! Lol :D

Okay, my book idea: "How I Raised Myself in My 20s."

Yeah so the title needs a lot of work. But after discussing my idea with a fellow 20 something last night, she LOL-ed. Because she agreed with my concept.

We created a few chapters (BTW, the numbers are not important - I have some gaps in to fill in):

Chapter 15: Boyfriend Died at 17.

Chapter 22: Graduate from Uni and Getting into the Grad School.

Chapter 23: Single at 22.

Okay, so we only came up with 3 and my brain is fried because of fever today, but I am sure through this very blog I will be adding some fabulous ideas, after idea on how to raise yourself in your 20s.

Oh, anyway, I got a new haircut and it's a little short but I am happy because I look great with shoulder-length hair. Until next time long layered hair:

♥, Me.

Bury it, I won't let you bury it, I won't let you smother it, I won't let you murder it.

2010-08-15T21:39:00.007+07:00

The clock is ticking. I'm having so many pros and cons floating through my head. Some are real, and some are imagined. My time is running out. I need to make a decision.

Help me.. :(

♥, Me.

The Daughters of Black Dahlia - Hollywood Undead.

2010-08-15T17:19:00.003+07:00

Love this! I. Really. Really. REALLY. LOVE. This!

Whoever made this video is a GENIUS! (Okay it's Patrik Andersson - BTW who is he? He's a genius of course!)

♥, Me.

Don't you know it's true what they say that life, it ain't easy.

2010-08-12T21:34:00.005+07:00

I am still alive and grumpier now than I have ever been.. But I'm also busier now than I use to be too. The job, and another effort that I take to be a human keep me busy pretty much all of the time these days. So actually, there is so much to write about, but so little time and space.

Please don't leave me, my blog. It's been almost 5 years since I first started blogging here, and I really want to post more :( As for now, puh-leeeeeeeeeeeease enjoy my special video for you. Hope it'll bring some positive energy to your days. They're good ;)

Well, until next time.

♥, Me.

I'm a big big girl, in a big big world.

2010-06-27T07:43:00.006+07:00

I have a weird month. I think this is due mostly to some post-23rd-birthday oh-God-what-now existential life crisis because I'm not a baby anymooore. I also moved a lot this month, I've stayed at home, then Bali, then Semarang, then hospital, then back to Semarang again. I lost 3 kilograms, and gained a kilograms. But that's cool, you guys - as long as I'm home every weekend and messing around with my family.

But I do do will feel that I do do will miss you much..

Miss you much..

♥, Me.

Care to move on, and afraid to feel young again, why? Take all that you know inside, and leave it behind.

2010-06-15T07:48:00.008+07:00

Hello, I am here because I am ill. I was supposed to be in Semarang for business causes, but I think God implicitly told me that my body needs to take a break. I've been suffering from typhoid fever and infection here and there for 5 days now, so doctor advise me to take a quiet long rest. What could I say? :(

I have been running a crazy world for a year. Since I was an introvert person, my friends always tells me how important it is to take a few minutes a day to just meditate on life. "Do something that you love, write something or post an entry on your blogs and see how yourself feel it!". I must say it is fun like eating your favorite foods. You actually can do it by turned your computer off, silent your cellphone, and shut your eyes, then take a few minutes for yourself. Think about where you were, where you are now, and where you are headed. That isn't difficult. You can feel this overwhelming sense of joy at all the great things you do have, you can ignore every negative thought during this "quiet time". People tend to be negative when they're depressed and alone. So think about the bright side: you have a job, you have family that you totally lucked out on being a part of, and friends that couldn't be replaced. Life is good, life is beautiful.

Saturday, June 5th, 2010, I walked to Kuta Beach with Pete and Brigitta, Igor's friends. I decided not to join Nadya to Ubud (hiii , Sweetie, thank you for the great vacay!). As I walked along the beach, millions different emotions stirring in my heart. I, seriously, finally, realised how fragile life is. One minute you can be on the right track and doing all the right things, and next thing you know it can be turned upside down. It left you wondering how you got where you did. Most of us gets up with all the same though floating through our head: How am I going to make it through this day? Some it's a matter of getting dressed and heading to work and coming home. Or it's getting up to take an exam at school and spend the rest of the day studying. It's simple as that, but for some it's complicated. It's mustering up the courage to face the world and all the shit that comes with that. I think that's why getting out of bed is the hard thing to do for some of us. You could wake up to the thought of getting loaded and removing themselves from any conscious thought and escaping from reality, or choosing to live better than yesterday and doing what you can to be the best person you can be.

At the end of the day, it will be the thing that could ever happen to us. Without the bitter the sweet just isn't as sweet. We will never be able to fully enjoy the good wthout the bad. And sometimes it takes your life falling apart completely before you figure out exactly you want to be and where you wanna go. Life sucks sometimes, but most of us have it pretty damn easy - no denying that! But remember that no matter what you face on a day-to-day basis, life is what we make it. We have so much opportunity at our fingertips and with the right of amount of work we can make what life we have the best it can be. Life's cool.

♥, Me.

[link] to image source.

Give me a reason to fight the feeling that there’s nothing here for me. 'Cause none of its easy.

2010-05-29T22:52:00.007+07:00

I read this beautiful blog entry written by a friend of mine [link]. Why can't life just give us some sort of Strategic Plan when we are born? It can be sealed or marked "Confidential" and inside is every event that is going to take place from now until we take our last breath. How much easier would it be if we could take the guessing out of life and the uncertainty and the unknown that we face everyday, and then we have some peace of mind knowing that even amongst all the shit that we have to deal with, we can know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am tired of this uncertainty and am just ready to know about everything in my life. To know what life has in store for me tomorrow, so I can navigate through it.

Like this weekend. My classmates, all of them I could say, and I struggled with our assignments. We had zillons assignments this semester and five or six assignments are due today - the last day of our lecture. We work every weekday, and have spin classes on Friday nights and Saturdays. I know, it was our decision to work and go to school as well, but this is so torturing! So most of us didn't have enough time to sleep last night, and also the other night. Today, we submitted all of our papers and assignments. This morning, suddenly we received another nightmare. One of our lecturers gave us another assignment. Holy fuck. Like we were the Superhuman.

My head started to hurt. Part of me wanted to cry. I was speechless. Another torture. Another weekend without DVD and mall, and probably another sleepless night! I really wanna finish them right now and push through the pain. But I can't do it. I just can't. My brain needs fresh air. I am. So. Frustrated. I'm tired of this, even though I can see the finish line right now.

After THAT long talk with RGH hours ago, I realized that I can deal with my frustrations either by being self-destructive or by finding another way to express myself. And I choose the latter. I chose not to do my assignment tonight, and decided to blog and listening to the music all night til I asleep. I chose to make myself happy, maybe that's why long time ago, with no certain reason I decided to buy myself an iPod. I also have made a decision about my vacay plan. I take my annual leave on June 3rd and 4th, and go to Bali with Nadya.

What for?

I'm going to recharge my body and my mind. I can't let myself suffered from daily monotone life and its thingies such as that goddamned uncertainty. Right now, I don't care about the amount of money I have spent and I will spend to make myself happier and make my mind healthier. God, I am sick of this. I can't breathe!!!!! Why life is absolutely unpredictable and there's no way for us to know what is going on to happen??

A quote comes to my mind when I write this entry: "You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

♥, Me.

Mind Blowing To-Do List.

2010-04-25T23:07:00.002+07:00

Second semester is almost finished, woopee!! Looking forward to a holiday trip but not sure when & where to go. Expect it anytime in June or July anyway. Or probably October :( Anywho, sorry about PLL entries. I wasn't really productive, but I love PLL Series like whoa.

How about work? April seems to be the most relaxing month. I feel MINUS 800% busier, no "ridonkulous" overtime, which is good for me. No coffee required ;) But somehow, I miss staying up all night working.

So, my schedule is looking like the following really, bearing in minds this is in no particular order since even bringing myself to the point of organizing a to-do list is mind blowingly astonishing.
1. Sleep and make my back hurt less
2. Have a nails trim done
3. Get my haircut (speaking of which, cute short-haired girls abound. I bitterly keep my hair long because that's how I got a more chick look. Dunno..)
4. OD presentation and other assignments
5. Making vacay plan(s)
6. Continue with the whole writing thingy
7. May is approaching, isn't it? Since June is my birthday, I'm going to plan a cute birthday party
8. Hair dye
9. And so on

Lots of stuff to do, now it's just a case of doing it. I'm off to bed.

Love, Me.
Sent from my WhadevrBerry®

Pretty Little Liars Aria-Ezra Scene!

2010-04-25T09:50:00.006+07:00

Guys, I'm so fcukin' chuffed to say that Ezra Fitz is DELICIOUS!

But Ezra.. you dog!

Do you wanna know what happened the next morning?

♥, Me.

All credit goes to ABC Family and the other PLL Producers.

Pretty Little Liars Theaters Preview!!

2010-04-17T06:24:00.007+07:00

Prepare yourself everybody! It's diiiiirrtyyyyy!

Okay, gotta go to school! I'll create PLL labels on this blog as soon as I get home. I love these books so much and y' all have to read them and watch the TV show!

♥, Me.

All credit goes to ABC Family and the other PLL Producers.

A quick post!

2010-04-11T21:56:00.005+07:00

I watched Disney on Ice with Nadya today. Super terharu ngeliat Mickey, Minnie, and the gank di depan mata :'D Waktu kecil gua sempet 3x nonton. Tapi itu kan waktu kecil! Sekarang mah beda lagi urusannya.

Abis itu kita ke PS. Makan. Gosip. Cerita. Ngeluh. Etc. Dengan feeling yang kuat novel favorit gua Pretty Little Liars udah terbit di Kino, akhirnya kita ke Kino. Ternyata di Kino udah update toh.. Gua ini lagi rada ansos sampe jarang nongkrong di Kino lagi x( Akhirnya gua pulang dengan menenteng kresek Kino berisi 2 novel PLL, yaitu Killer & Heartless. Unfortunatelly, abis itu gua musti nunggu ibu meeting di TeeBox Wijaya. Ngga tanggung-tanggung ya.. satu jam!

So, I'm off to read Killer!

Blogging & Tweeting.

2010-04-10T22:57:00.004+07:00

Finally, setelah blackout selama beberapa saat, listrik nyala juga. Ngga uring-uringan karena banyak tugas seperti biasanya, hari Sabtu malam ini gua leha-leha. Asli, tadi di kelas gua males banget untuk partisisapi, yang akhirnya berujung pada ketidaktahuan gua apakah ada tugas untuk minggu depan atau ngga. Karena gua ingin leha-leha, akhirnya gua diem aja tuh. Daripada nanya-nanya temen trus tiba-tiba ada tugas dan menghancurkan silent weekend gua?
Oya, bukan berarti karena malas terus gua jadi ngga berpartisisapi di kelas dong. Gua tetap berpartisisapi, setidaknya sekali. Itupun jawaban gua kurang tepat, kalau ngga mau dibilang salah!

Menjelang jam 12 malam ini, gua coba untuk menulis sebuah entry yang sebenarnya udah pengen gua tulis dari lama. Beberapa waktu lalu sempet gua tulis in English, but you know, somehow thoughts yang disampaikan dalam bahasa Inggris itu kadang-kadang lebih direct. Orang Indonesia, kalau dikasih yang direct-direct suka langsung nge-judge, "Nyolot abis nih anak!", jadi ngga jadi gua publish. Sekarang gua akan menyampaikannya dalam bahasa Indo, yang moga-moga bisa terbaca lebih halus.

Beberapa waktu yang lalu *udah lama sih sebenernya* gua kedapatan beberapa message atau DM di Twitter gua. Isinya seperti ngadu ke gua kalo ada oknum yang suka meniru, atau memplagiat, atau meng-copy-paste *gua ngga tau tepatnya apa* style gua dalam blogging maupun tweeting. Ngga tanggung-tanggung, si pengadu itu nyebut nama loh! Gua tidak pay attention dengan hal-hal seperti ini. Namanya juga nulis, cara orang menyampaikannya bisa sama kan?

Ternyata, ngga cuma gua yang dapet message seperti itu. Setelah hampir sebulanan gitu, gua baru tau kalau ternyata temen gua yang ini juga dapet message yang sama, yang bilang bahwa si X, seorang blogger, meniru beberapa terms yang sering temen gua tulis dalam blognya. Terus terang, pada akhirnya gua memang menemukan link antara kami bertiga (gua, temen gua, dan -let's say- si copy cat), tapi karena ngga ada bukti, ya buat apa ditanggapin? Kalaupun ada buktinya, ya so what?

Gua dan temen gua sih tersanjung aja ada yang perhatian :P Bahkan kalau memang benar, gua mungkin hanya akan nyengir dan bilang dalam hati, "Ooo.. ternyata ada yang "suka" sama cara kami menulis atau menyampaikan thoughts dalam 140 kata itu.." Cuk-tau, bye!

Banyak kasus lainnya yang berhubungan sama dunia cyber ini. Kemarin sempet ada kasusnya LM dan anak perempuan yang disangka menghujat BlackBerry user via Twitter. Lah, katanya di Indo ingin ada kebebasan berpendapat, kok beginian dipermasalahin sih? Selama masih ada yang sakit hati karena atau mengadu domba pendapat orang lain, tandanya kita belum siap untuk menjunjung kebebasan berpendapat. Be wise lah.. Ini dunia cyber loh! Yang namanya blog, kalau kita ngga suka, ya ngga usah dibaca, apalagi sampe ngasih komentar-komentar jahat.

Jadi, kalau terkait 'kasus' gua, boleh ngga kita ngikut-ngikutin cara blogging atau tweeting orang untuk diaplikasikan pada blog/Twitter kita untuk suatu maksud hati tertentu? Gua sih no comment :P Yang jelas, blogging dan tweeting adalah mengenai hati dan daily life diri lo sendiri, so be truth to yourself, and don't be someone that you are not ;)

Akhir kata, semoga semua pihak yang tercantel secara langsung maupun tidak langsung mendapatkan pencerahan dari entry ini. Terima kasih.

♥, Me.

IDK.

2010-03-20T23:12:00.002+07:00

A friend: "Eh, IDK itu singkatan dari apa sih (Hey, what does IDK stand for)?"
Me: "I don't know."
Her: "OMG! Ngga ada yang ttttauuuu??? Aaaaaahh! (OMG! Nobody does! Aaaaaargh!)"

My room's wall.

2010-03-07T20:43:00.005+07:00

With a BIG helps from my mother and brother, I applied these wall stickers onto my wall. It cute, isn't it? I definitely will dedicate my time to decorate my children's nursery/room someday. It's going to be fun.

♥, Me.

P.S: Need to capture a pic of the "new" wall with the desk, but my desk is quite a mess, so I'm kinda embarrassed with myself D'x

Lifetime favorite female singers.

2010-02-28T16:11:00.010+07:00

Last update: January 30, 2011

1990's:

I was 8 years old back in 1995, which means approximately, 14 years ago, I was sitting in our living room, listening to The Cranberries' cassette. Dolores O' Riordan! She's still my favorite. By the way, when did she got this hot mama look?
(Info: The Cranberries have reunited!)

Shirley Manson (Garbage) thinks she's paranoid and she's only happy when it rains. It's good to see her on Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Too bad, that TV series sucks. If anyone one of you ask me, "Does she still have the most erotic lips on earth?", I answer, "YES, SHE DOES!"

2000's:

Cassadee Pope's Hey Monday... I love everything about her: her strong and girly voice, her hair, her stage performance, her wardrobes. Occasionally she's replacing Juliet Simms in All Time Low's Remembering Sunday, and I personally think she's much better than Juliet Simms. I want to steal her voice.. so bad!

Hayley Williams (Paramore) is a truly teenager's inspiration. Her bright red hair is so WOW - it really suits her. Four thumbs up for her live performance.

You might not have known, this woman is Ashley Costello, New Years Day's singer. Her voice is soo beautiful. For some reason, I like her better than Williams, but both of them are unique. Visit her blog [link]. And oh, she's a gothgirl. Watch out!

♥, Me.

@nadyanaia

2010-02-14T21:10:00.005+07:00

Sometimes we catch ourselves doing weird things. Like now, on Twitter, we were having the most stupid conversation.

Please stay till the end of the time :)

Best of luck for February 22nd! I am sure you ARE prepared, and it will be just fine. Keep your wits about you, and knock ur panelist dead. You will wow them! I keep my fingers crossed.

♥, Me.

Accidentally involved in the conversation: @nilamhapsari, @adityawan, @alineandari, @pritha_ayu.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze and love is a riddle.

2010-02-07T22:39:00.006+07:00

I love this life.

Here I am. February 7th, 2010, have been graduated from uni for 1 year and 1 day. I am writing now from my bed room, where the air smells like anti-fog spray and there is Lenka's The Show music playing.

IF I haven't written in this for a while, this must mean one of two possibilities:
1. Nothing has happened in my life that has required/inspired me to write here,
2. Internet was temporarily unavailable - which is most likely impossible.

Busy is an understatement.

♥, Me.

Ken Lee.

2010-01-24T12:13:00.003+07:00

GUYS GUYS, you gotta see this video! I'm very busy with work lately. I'll be back soon, but dunno when.

♥, Me.

I'm in 2010, and so far.. so good.

2010-01-02T22:12:00.009+07:00

**Cookie**

As I said, I've changed this blog's template and it made me ridiculously happy.. dunno why. But as usual, this blog will be full of boring entries - some maybe long, short, filled with YouTube clip or photographs, an idea, quotes, something that you don't understand.. just because I think to much and care too little, also my thoughts are pretty complex, yet I never can put 'em into words. Or maybe I'll be to busy to even write one. Haha who knows.

By the way..
2009 was a BIG year for me. I graduated from uni, got a new camera, got a job, broke up with the boyfriend, I entered a graduate school, etc, etc.. 2009 was a productive year; 2009 was tough on me; 2009 tested me in more ways than I can count; 2009 had me in tears on countless occasions.. but 2009 gave me some of the most beautiful memories a girl could ask for.

As for now, I'm just hoping to have a good year. They say the sweet is never as sweet without the sour. Although in 2010 I can live with a little less sour, I hope it's just as sweet, if not sweeter than 2009.

So 2010, be good to me. Hold my hand and guide me. Challenge me.. but be gentle ;) Have a blessed new years! :)

♥, Me.

Metablogging.

2010-01-01T11:18:00.003+07:00

Hello, it's new year day! And since it's new year day, I thought that it'd be perfectly fine for me to pick one of my favorite entry for each month from 2009, and compile them in an entry. Here we are:

In January, I published the list of my crazy ideas. Oh my God, it's so embarrassing. I'm sorry, Self! However, I can't wait to evaluate them :)
In February, I passed my thesis defense. I'm a bachelor! Yay!
In March, ............. I.............. wrote.... Wrote a letter.. To. My. Future. Husband. Dude, why do I always embarrass myself in public place?
April was full of random stuff. Yeah, I'm horrible at keeping journals. But whatevs.
In May, I met some genius people. Probably the most genius people ever to walk the face of the earth.
In June, I turned 22. Also, some of my friends were getting older.. even the oldest are getting older. And by the way, I love this little guy.
In July, I realized that creating an entry title is not an easy task. Especially when it comes to my randomness, boredom, etc..
In August, I broke up with my boyfriend but we're still doing great right now.
In September, WTF? ONLY ONE ENTRY? *Passed out*
No entry at all in October.. YIKES!
In November, I wrote 4 entries.. Hahaha.. What a progress. But I think November was overflowing with amazing horror feelings and it was tragedy for my brain.
And finally, In December, I needed allergy meds.

Okay, when I started this post, I didn't know that making this list is a little bit difficult. Also, this morning I changed my blog template to "ADULT" template. Now I have lot of pichurs just waiting to be uploaded to my photoblog, but I'm hungry. I guess I'll be back soon.

So happy new year all. Set goals for yourself and go for 'em!

♥, Me.

A Friendly Reminder, From Me to You..

2009-12-27T07:36:00.004+07:00

Dear Blogger,
This post is a friendly reminder from me to you. This 'shameless' exposure is quiet embarrassing to be honest, but I have to deal with it.

I just woke up like 15-30 minutes ago. I went straight from my bed to my laptop on my desk, and found that I have 14 new mails. You know what, one of those is a message from Blogger titled "http://memoriesofsaturday.blogspot.com/ - ACTION REQUIRED" (for those of you who didn't know, Memories of Saturday is my Photoblog). Okay, I'll show you the message. Click on the image for larger view.

I have no idea how this happened, but I'm glad to know Blogger's spam robots performed they task well.... not really.... this is disgusting to be honest. But what could I do? I requested a blog review as they suggested to (hopefully the one who will review my photoblog is human), however, it's gonna take 2 BUSINESS days :(

In this case, Blogspot has informed me that they're using automatic spam detection, so some blogs are flagged incorrectly. However, as you might have known, EVERYBODY who reads your blog(s) CAN flag you. What's more disgusting? I have realized that everybody, even the strangers, actually get to know you, your life, the other people in your life, via your blog. Maybe, this is a risk that you have to accept when you decided to blog your life, your thoughts, or whatevs.

Speaking of which, you have to understand that blog is a public space. RULES APPLIED. There's no more freedom. No more no boundaries. You get the idea ;)

I am infinitely thankful if the one who did this to me and my blog was a spam robot. But, if it was YOU, please tell me what's wrong with my blogs, or.. do you hate me? :P

Overall, I'm okay :) But I have photos waiting to be blogged :(

T_T Tears of Joy.

2009-12-25T21:31:00.003+07:00

I TOOK A LOT OF PHOTOS TODAY!
Thanks a lot to Sasha and Dinda :)
Tearssss tearsssss tears of joy..
Oh my cameraaaa.. It's been a while.. nom nom nom..
Now, what do I do with the pichurz?

For you:

Allergy Meds, Pls!

2009-12-20T08:32:00.002+07:00

First semester is over.. well.. not yet.. we still have a take home final exam and the holy never-ending-assignment is due on Wed. How exciting! :( Although I'm sure Sunday should be for sleeping, not doing assignment or working or studying (knew it since the day I was born), I hope to have them finished today so it's over..!

By the way.. dude, they should not be allowed to torture us like this! My brain is already dry!!!!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------
Sent by emoze push mail.

Happy Birthday in Heaven to You! :)

2009-11-29T20:38:00.003+07:00

Jaredita Subandriyo
(29 Nov 1987 - 18 Aug 2007)

My Thoughts of Life.. in Bahasa :)

2009-11-14T22:30:00.004+07:00

Baaaaack! I'm baaaaaacck!!

Udah lama banget gua ngga nulis pake Bahasa Indonesia. Saat gua ngerubah URL dan title blog ini awal tahun 2008, gua memang lagi getol-getolnya berbahasa Inggris. Selain baik buat improvement English gua, gua memang mengakui menulis dan berkomentar dalam English itu jauh lebih expressive. However, saat ini gua jadi kangen untuk nulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia.

Belakangan ini gua lagi jauh dari kehidupan sosial gua. Hari-hari gua sibuk dengan urusan kantor, dan ketika weekend pun gua belajar di kampus. Hari Minggu, gua disibukin sama usaha untuk merelaksasi diri plus mempersiapkan diri untuk balik kerja ke hari Senin - walaupun hari Senin itu tidak semenyebalkan yang dibayangkan dan dikatakan sama orang lain. Gua selalu punya motivasi untuk memulai hari Senin, meskipun ngga bisa gua pungkirin, ada sebagian dari diri gua yang selalu ingin bahwa ada hari Minggu setelah hari Minggu.

Sebagian dari diri gua yang lain, terus ngeributin satu pertanyaan yang sampai sekarang ngga gua tau jawabannya: Is this real life? Of course gua utarain pertanyaan itu sama diri sendiri, sebagai seseorang pekerja yang belum berdiri 100% karena masih berstatus mahasiswa-magister-atas-keinginan-orang-tua.

Ketika tau seseorang baru lulus kuliah S1, most people's reactions to that are, "Congrats, welcome to the real life!". Apakah masuk akal kalau seseorang harus kerja *minimal* 8 jam sehari, macet-macetan pulang-pergi di jalan setiap hari kerja untuk earn money and make a living? Kita punya keluarga, dan bukankah waktu kita untuk keluarga harus lebih banyak daripada waktu yang dihabisin di kantor? Gua ngerti sih kalau kita kerja untuk hidup, dan untuk keluarga kita juga, tapi apa begini aturan mainnya?

Gua memang sempet meragukan apakah gua mampu bertahan dengan kehidupan yang keras seperti ini. Tapi sekarang ya jalanin aja.. namanya juga proses. Hidup ngga ada yang semau jigong kita. Lebih baik berusaha enjoy daripada kebanyakan berasumsi dan complaining. Dan gua terus berusaha mencari jawaban daripada gua complaint, then merengek sama suami gua untuk ngga kerja karena mau ngeladenin bujur gua yang berat. Setuju ngga setuju, kenyataannya orang ngga akan hidup tanpa bekerja.

Trus, apa yang gua pikirin akhir-akhir ini? Mungkin sangat silly kalau gua menuliskannya di sini, tapi akan gua tulisin kok.. Dua setengah bulan belakangan ini, gua kesulitan untuk nge-state hubungan gua dengan Igor. Kita udah ngga pacaran. Putus karena itu memang decision kita berdua untuk ngga saling terkait dalam status 'pacaran' lagi.

Banyak yang tanya, kalau masih saling sayang, kenapa harus putus? Kenapa ngga balikan lagi?

Gua dan Igor udah ngalamin banyak ups dan downs di dalam relationship kita hingga suatu saat kita pernah mengajarkan diri masing-masing untuk follow our hearts and be true to ourselves. Kita enjoy satu sama lain, tapi ngga pernah punya komitmen yang cukup untuk menghandle things that we are lacking in.

Ibaratnya, waktu udah ngebawa kita untuk ngedayung ke pulau seberang. Dengan semangat 45 pun gua dan Igor bikin getek. Setelah getek udah jadi, kita sama-sama naik ke atas getek, dan berusaha ngedayung. Kita punya semangat, keinginan, desire, pasion, ~~nafsu~~, untuk sampai ke pulau seberang dan terus mendayung. Tapi giliran tali-tali pengikat getek itu ada yang lepas, we were like, "Yaaah, lepas.." sambil nyoba betulin talinya, yang ternyata susah kalau dilakukan di tengah-tengah laut. Then, apa yang kita lakukan? Mulutnya doang besar yang kayak, "Iya, ini harus diperbaiki nih!" tapi usaha kita cuma sampai ngiket tali itu dengan simpul pita, which is bikin kita sendiri, "Gubraks!".

Kita punya capability untuk hang on. Hanya komitmen yang ngga cukup kuat untuk saling mendukung. Kita ngga bisa terus-terusan go with the flow - we have to follow our hearts and BE TRUE to ourselves. Dan apa yang kita mau, ternyata bukan memanfaatkan kesempatan untuk mendayung ke pulau seberang. So, we broke off our relationship, dan mencoba untuk memulai kembali hubungan pertemanan yang lebih nyaman.

It was the hardest thing we've ever done, dan duduk di sini lebih dari 2 bulan kemudian, gua dan Igor sama-sama belum yakin kalau itu adalah keputusan yang terbaik. It is soooo easy to go back to what is comfortable, and he WAS comfortable. Tapi sekarang waktu bagi gua untuk sedikit uncomfortable untuk membuat segalanya lebih baik.. setidaknya untuk saat ini dulu. And I'm proud of ourselves for how well we handled it all :)

Trust me, it would have been possible to be friends with someone whom you loved so deeply ;)

Well, after that long-winded, and much needed for my soul post, I'm done.

♥, Me.

Meet My Bros!

2009-11-14T21:41:00.004+07:00

~~Anggoro dan Anggodo~~
Baby Upin and Ipin:

Belakangan ini gua dan adik kembar gua mendapatkan perhatian lebih dari *setidaknya* teman-teman gua. Katanya, kita pasti kayak Kak Ros, Upin, dan Ipin. Well, sungguh sebuah kemunduran, karena terakhir kali gua sadar, kita suka disama-samain dengan Nadine, Marcel, dan Mischa Chandrawinata. Buat gua sih, walaupun gua ngga setinggi Nadine meski gua udah naik ke atas kursi, dan DanDen ngga seganteng M&M(s), tapi muka kita ngga semenyeramkan Kak Ros, Upin, dan Ipin. Jadi.. ya.. kita average deh.. produk gagal ngga, produk luxury juga ngga.. yang penting kan quality control.

Yang ini ~~Upin dan Ipin~~ ade-ade gua bareng ~~Kak Ros~~ GUA di early 1990s ketika kita masih lucu.. belum LUCU* kayak sekarang.

*dan menyebalkan, dan hitam, dan dekhil, dan rese, dan P.E.M.A.R.A.H (kita bertiga benar-benar P.E.M.A.R.A.H).

♥, Me.

Jumping into Monsoon.

2009-11-01T20:18:00.002+07:00

What has it been? Like 6 weeks? Yikes!

This is a Halloween gift from me, to you :)

I'll be back soon.

Mwah!

☺

2009-09-13T00:02:00.004+07:00

I feel very overwhelmed right now. Between work, school, friendships - I feel like I don't have a second to stop and breathe. I feel like I can't be the best that I can be for everyone around me.. it might be like I'm disappointing everyone because I'm not able to give them all of me. I know that it was my choice to work full time and go to school as well, but I think part of me feels like I don't really have any choice. I know that it will get easier once I get into the groove on things, but right now.. it feels like that will NEVER happen. It definitely has been a whirlwind of emotions in these last few weeks for me.

I'm 22. And God is trying to teach me so much and I'm having a harder time than I thought attempting to change myself. For me, it's never easy for change even though I am easily adapting to new things. Something that I realized is that this change NEEDS to happen in order for me to fulfill all that God wants me to. So God, give me strength and help me to get through this finishing well.

::Man, there's a bug buggin' me in my bed room!::

Gaptek Twitter, Mas, Mba?

2009-08-30T12:14:00.004+07:00

Sebel banget! Kenapa sih orang Indonesia kalau ngereply Twitter itu bukannya pakai Reply to, tapi malah pakai RT, yang notabenenya singkatan dari ReTweet? Kenapa gua tekanin orang Indonesia di sini? Karena dari sekian orang 'luar' yang gua follow, nggak ada tuh yang menjengkolkan kayak gini.

Jangan gaptek dong! Kalau alesannya biar ngga bingung lo ngereply tweet yang mana, coba baca bawahnya, "about 2 minutes ago from web in reply to xxxxx". Nah, lo klik yang gua underscore-dan-bold-in, itu adalah direct link ke tweet yang lo reply.

Puh-leeeze.. dengan nge-RT itu tweet lo jadi masuk ke home orang lain dan sumpah ganggu banget! Beda kalo lo pake Reply to, di awal tweet lo akan ada "@xxxxx", dan tweet itu hanya akan masuk ke user yang bersangkutan. Dan bukannya pake RT lo malah akan ngebuang-buang 140 karakter itu untuk karakter R, T, titik dua, dan space ya? Menurut gua sih RT digunakan kalau lo ingin meng-tweet kembali tweet user lain yang lo anggap bagus atau layak untuk dire-tweet ke khalayak ramai, misalnya.

Asli, gua keganggu luar biasa sama yang kayak ginian. Dan gua bukan tipe orang yang pengen tau apa yang lo omongin sama orang lain. Terus terang gua udah nge-unfollow beberapa orang yang tadinya gua follow gara-gara RT ini. Merasa ngga enak hati, ya. Tapi hak gua toh? Demi kesehatan gua juga, karena tiap ngeliat home gua jadi chatting windows orang dengan orang lain yang tidak gua kenal, lebih baik gua unfollow yang bersangkutan.

Untuk Twitter user, setuju ngga setuju sama omongan gua, merasa tersindir atau tidak, silahkan vomitting dicomment. Gua ngga puasa. Boleh dong dongkol di siang hari?

"OMG She's Alive!!"

2009-08-22T21:47:00.005+07:00

Yeaaaaahhhh go ahead and say it. I've been a bad...... BAD blogger lately.

People, if you want a deep dark secret and drama, I have a double dose for you today. This shameless exposure of my life is my attempt at dealing with it.

So, I went to Sg last week. I spent my days with family and met my other half there. And then something happened. Something not good. Here, I announce, I'm no longer Igor's girlfriend anymore. It didn't happen because there was someone else. It happened because we simply can't relate to each other anymore - we have grown up in a lot of ways and there are a lot of things that I don't get about him anymore *and vice versa*. We had a talk about this earlier in the year and we said we would work on things. We tried, but realized that we did not care enough anymore to keep trying. Sooo.. we need to stop calling our relationship something that it's not.

Our main concern is our friendship. It hurts like hell to think we will inevitably cause issues in our lives with this, but if it weren't this, we'd probably end up hurting/hating each other. We want to prevent more severe pain.

Let's be positive though.. we've learned many things together. And if we can openly accept this break up for what it is, then I think the pressure will be off.. there won't be as many expectations and it won't hurt so much :)

Title on Vacation

2009-07-26T20:27:00.009+07:00

I'm still here! Aren't you absolutely T-H-R-I-L-L-E-D-?-!
I've been working during the times I normally blog now. And frankly, work is a bit more time consuming than I imagined, hence the fact that I haven't been on here. And on Flickr. And on Facebook. I'm starting to love my job. Really. But I've become a hermit or something. Just 2 months ago I had a fun life, and now it's all like,

"Dear Misswhadevr: You suck.
Bye,
Your social life."

LOL. Just kidding. It's Sunday night, I just hate Sunday nights.

BTW, speaking of blogging, I guess my friend Adinda and Nadya 'abandon' their blogs, too. So, I think nobody owes blog updates.

Okay, I bought a new lensy! It's 50mm f/1.8. I love it, like you have no idea. Of course it makes self-portraits ridiculously difficult hehehe.. But what can you do. I think I should get one of those remote control thingies. LOL.

August is approaching and I've got loads of things to look forward to (and several to not look forward to), like Mom's birthday, family vacay, RENDEZVOUS WITH THE BF, fasting month, what else? However, I can expect August to be slowly and busy and crazy and annoying and blahblahblah at work. Yeah, you win some, you lose some. Get used to it!

Against all odds, and despite getting too much blackheads on my nose.. I'M GOING FOR MY MASTER DEGREE! I GOT ACCEPTED IN UNIVERSITY OF INDONESIA THAT 'DUMPED' ME 4 YEARS AGO! It's exciting, huh? BUT HOW TO COMBINE WORK AND SCHOOL AND PHOTOGRAPHY AND LIFE AND PLAY AND SLEEP I'M SORTA KINDA FREAKING OUT THAT'S WHY I'M SHOUTING!

Okay, wish me luck with that. Bye!

My Very First..

2009-07-16T10:02:00.002+07:00

Hey Dudes and Dudettes!
I'm blogging from my office! For the first time!!

Hey co workers and manager(s)!
Can you see I'm blogging?

*Silent*

Mmm.. okay, thanks for wasting your last 1 minute reading this post. I have a sh*t load of work to do.
I hope you all have a nice day, and yes, long weekend is approaching ;)

Mwah!
MD.

Dear Lord, Thank You for the Weekend. Amen.

2009-06-28T14:32:00.005+07:00

My bf and I were just talking the other day about how busy life is, such as the constant responsibility of work, school, relationship, etc. It seems that getting older brings with it the responsibility of a TRUE adult. When I was a little younger, I always wanted to be older than I was. Now -that I'm 22, an employee, and a "bonified" grown up- I just thought I would give ANYTHING to go back and experience the fun I had at 17. I miss being a teenager. What a great time it was.... lack of responsibility and not having to work all the time to support ourselves and make a living! But being grown up does have its perks though, so I guess we can't complain.

I've had so much on my mind to share, but I'm not going to share those things right now. I delivered some of my thoughts last night on my flickr and photoblog so check 'em out if you wanna know :)

Look, look! A birthday present!

2009-06-10T00:29:00.002+07:00

My high school friends gave me this.. as a birthday present. They're my angels because I didn't tell them that I really, really, REALLY, need a bed lamp - they knew what I need. They just knew.

Sunday afternoon, they told me to open my birthday present from them, in front of them, and suddenly I got a heart attack. I got a bad feeling. I thought that was a some kind of pandora box, or it might be a trap. I only imagine the next minutes I'll be screaming because a creepy green-haired idiot clown jumped out of the box. I was so terrified. But then, I read the top of the box, and I realized it's a bed lamp, something that I needed. But wait, what does "Boy Naughty" mean? Uh-oh, it's something naughty.... Maybe it was a good thing that I couldn't pull the lamp out of the box *it was stuck*, because the next thing I knew, I grope for the gift, and OMG.. I-just-touched-his-BIRD! I felt H.O.R.R.E.N.D.O.U.S.!

Dude and Dudettes, don't try to picture me doing something immoral because I have a little tiny cute BIRD to be touched every night and every morning.

So okay, it's June!
Baby Olivia, known as Adinda & Adhit's Little Peanut was born on June 6th! I told Adinda not to deliver her last Saturday. LOL :P (She's so gorgeous! I want baby!) It's a very funny fact anyway. June 7th, Ninta & Chreza's Evan turned ONE! The next day, 8th of June, Chreza turned almost 30 years old! LOL. And todayyyyy.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABHI MY FOREVER DISASTER! May each and every passing year bring all of you wisdom, peace, and cheer. And tomorrow is my Dad's birthday!

By the way, I just arrived home from Bandung and I met my brothers :D I am a little bit tired so I think I'm going to bed right now (what time do you think I'll get up to?). Would anyone of you join me *and the Bird*? I think I'll be back soon. I love telling story :d But no idea when. GTG, Bird is waiting.

Words.words.words!

2009-06-06T23:30:00.000+07:00

Sooo.. today.. okay, the last 30 minutes of today is my 22nd birthday. I spent it awesomely. I went out for lunch with Dad (Mom went to pengajian in the morning) then had dinner with big fam at River Park. Wish I had a story of my birthday, but since the celebration will be held tomorrow, you must feast your eyes of my 'puffy' face :)

Hey! Hey!!!!

2009-06-04T21:11:00.002+07:00

My cousins got blogs!

A Piece of Chocolate, and
life is LATTE

Go check 'em outttt!

Ooooohh I forgot to mention they're Sasha and Dinda. You know, Sasha is the girl I take a lot of pictures with.. She's my photography teacher.. Yea.. Sorta :P And Dinda is Sasha's little sister and she's a high school senior who has this so-called ambition to pursue her bachelor degree (of art/design) at ITB. So anyone, please pray for her!!

WHY WAS I PIMPING THEM? They didn't pay me!
Oh.. because I'm cheerful! Actually, I really am quite happy, and for no reason. Yay! Until laterrrr..!

Backstabber Quote(s).

2009-06-02T22:43:00.006+07:00

Boyfriend: A good friend stabs you in the front.
MD: Agreed!
Boyfriend's brother: How? (Sometimes he's kinda slow. LOL. Don't hit me!)
Boyfriend: As they said, a true friend stabs you in the front..
MD: Yeap. Right in the heart <3!
Boyfriend's brother: Oh I see, because a BAD friend stabs you in the back!!!!
MD & Boyfriend: THAT'S CORRECT!
Boyfriend's brother: But I think a good friend will give you the knife and tell you to be careful with it.
MD & Boyfriend: THAT'S ALSO CORRECT!
Boyfriend's brother: Yea.... *Paused* It is also correct to say "A good friend will tell you before they stab you"?
MD & Boyfriend: Yes, it is.
Boyfriend's brother: Okay.. *Paused again* But I would hope a good friend wouldn't stab me at all.
MD & Boyfriend: *&^%$#@

"We really don't have enemies. It is just that some of our friends are trying to kill us."

Anonymous.

Orange Juice.

2009-05-25T21:05:00.006+07:00

I think my friend (and also my 'boss') Kibo should create his own blog so he can stop bugging me to update mine.

Appearance
[x] I am shorter than 5'4
[] I am taller than 6'0"
[] I think I'm ugly
[] I have many scars.
[] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[]I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[] I have more than 2 piercings.
[] I have piercings in places besides my ears.

Family/Home Life
[] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.
[] I've lost a child.
[] Have a spoiled sibling

School/Work
[] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[] I've stolen something from my job
[] I've been fired.
[] Are or Have been home schooled

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry.
[] I've peed from laughing.
[] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something intentionally
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.
[] I fell down on my face

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[] I've wished on a shooting star.
[] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] I've been to a casino.
[] I've been skydiving.
[] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[] I've crashed a car.
[] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play
[] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[] I've ridden in a taxi.
[] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[] I'm single.
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[] I'm engaged.
[] I'm married
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[] I've gotten divorced
[] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[x] Kissed a girl/guy

Honesty/Crime
[] I've done something
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test
[x] I've run a red light.
[] I've been suspended from school.
[] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight.
[] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[] I regularly drink.
[] I've passed out from drinking.
[] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[] I've smoked weed
[] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[] I've eaten shrooms.
[] I've popped E.
[] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[] I've done hard drugs.
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[] I've planned my own suicide.
[] I've attempted suicide.
[] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[] I cut myself

Materialism
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[] I own something from Hot Topic.
[] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[] I own something I got on e-bay.
[] buy the newspaper everyday

Random
[] I can sing well.
[] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[] I open up to others easily.
[] I watch the news.
[] I don't kill bugs.
[] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[] I am a morning person.
[] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[] I'm a snob about grammar.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair
[] I have "x"s in my screen name
[] I love being neat
[] I love Spam
[] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[] I've worn pajamas to school.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[] I believe in ghosts.
[] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[] I'm good at remembering names.
[] I'm good at remembering dates.
[] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
[] I have been on the computer when I am as sick as a dog.

Back sometime soon. No idea when.

Stupidity Level TEN of TEN.

2009-05-06T22:22:00.004+07:00

I found this e-mail with an attachment (a picture) when I was going through and deleting old e-mails from my Hotmail inbox. This e-mail sent by my friend last year, and I don't know who the first sender was. Also, I don't know who the GENIUSES are, and why they thought this was safe..

Live from the Crime Scene.

2009-04-21T13:09:00.004+07:00

Indonesian Twitterer threatens to commit suicide!

I got the news about 2 hours ago from my friends' Twitter. Then I opened her (a woman who has no reason to life) Twiter and found some creepy tweets written by her. She's suffering from Bipolar Disorder. Oh man, I'm so sorry to know that (I know this kind of illness is hard to deal with). But guess what, minutes later, I found out the bad news has spread all over Twitter, including Alyssa Milano's Twitter and his, hers, his, hers.... and they were like, "Call authorities!" Man.. do you mean Indonesian's authorities? Come on!!!!!

The funny thing is, I found that she's following and followed by this purple shoes with leaves logo fashion forum, so I googled her nick name, along with forum's name, and I found 2 or 3 forum replies posted by her. Approximately 15 minutes ago, I checked the forum's Twitter, and the last entry was about wearing something from Target Go International shirt, meanwhile.... the woman who has no reason to life thought the people around her either hate her or wish that she doesn't exist, about an hour before. I was like.. WTF. The woman is putting a sharp knife on her hands and a fashion stylist knocked her door and said, "Hello I'm wearing Target Go International!"

Laughing. My. Ass. Off.

I think the Twitterverse keeps spreading the news.. She got 400-ish followers in 2-3 hours. LOL.

Oh well, basically my friends and I don't think it's real. My friends and I think she's having her lunch with her besties right now. LOL. And I wanted to remind you this is not the first case. Remember this [link]? I'm sorry if I just slapped someone in the face. I'm supposed to work right now.

Hey, just let me know if it's real!

Randomness.

2009-04-18T16:43:00.004+07:00

Last night I spent 4-5 hours pimping my photoblog. I really was enjoying the whole process. First, I picked the suitable templates from several sites that offer free templates for Blogger. Once I found my favorite, I had to download it.. and I realized the download and setup direction are written in Spanish. OMG. I laughed. But you know what? I did it! I believe someday we'll be faced with freakin' foreign language which we don't understand. But don't block your brain! Read it carefully, and you'll find the similarity between that freakin' foreign language (in this case is Spanish) and English (yay to English!) or some familiar words. You'll understand, trust me. Then, use it as a hint for whole sentence/paragraph, such as:

Descargar: Discharge; Unload - this is a direction how to unload..
Instalar: Install - to install
Configurar: To configure/Setup/Form
Uso: Usage
Licencia: License
¡Que la disfrutes!: Frustration? Depressed?
Artículos relacionados: Related articles (about something, of course)

Other examples:
"Tokio Disneyland celebra su cumpleaños 25"
Means: Tokyo Disneyland celebrates its 25th birthdays.
"En el lanzamiento de Ser Turista te regalamos nuestra primer plantilla para crear un photolog en Blogger y ahora es turno de una segunda, se trata de “Ser PhotoBlogger“, una plantilla diseñada para Wordpress por Brian Gardner y traída a Blogger por este Blog."
Means: This weekend soaxx! Really really really baaad.. And what's worse? It's not even over!

Okay, thank you for attending my Spanish class. Coincidentally, my handsome bf also faced by similar Spanish issue yesterday, when he went to ATM. He accidentaly pushed Spanish button and he was staring stupidly at the screen because he couldn't figure out any of the options in front of him, and he totally felt like an idiot when it happens. He ended up withdrawing € 20 and he's not sure how instead of making deposit. LMFAO. Find the complete story on his Facebook.

Keep reading....

American Idol's judges saved Paul Phoenix (Matt Giraud)!! Aww.. He's not my favorite but I think he deserves it (LOL his face in this pic is priceless!). So two of them will leave next week. I think Pete Wentz's sibling from different parents (Adam Lambert) will go far.. til the final. He makes good arrangements and owned almost every week but I'm bored with his screams. Robert Downey Jr.'s twin (Danny Gokey) and this cute little guy with crooked jaw (Kris Allen) never in the bottom three too. They're good and I like their styles. Hayley Williams' stuntgirl (Allison Iraheta) shows her progress week by week. I kinda like her. Uhm.. sorry, I have to say that I think Kim Kardashian's sister in bum (Lil' Rounds), and the slumdog millionaire look-alike (Anoop Desai) is in danger next week (based on the bottom 3 frequency), even they have an angle voice. But.. it depends on America.

Okay, on that note, I hope you all had a lovely weekend! :)